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WHY IS IT????

on April 10, 2009 - 6:34am

Why is it that the weirdos and the afflicted creatures of the male species feel a need to crawl up my rear?? I met another man on eHarmony and he is a piece of work to say the least!! He's handsome, I'll give him that. But that's all I'll give him. He misrepresented himself in his profile and I think for real he altered his profile to fit me and maybe one or two others he may have had an interest in. We meet up and firstly he reeks of cigarettes. I cannot for my health for any reason whatsoever be around or with anyone who is smoking. I had put that stipulation in my profile and made it an extremely high priority. Then he calls me the next day and says hes in the hospital and in ICU for that matter. Apparently he had smoked a dozen of those disgusting black cigar things and had consumed six Red Bull and six Amp energy drinks. He had a terrible case of acidosis and was profoundly dehydrated. I'm trying to be patient, trying to understand his motives for this. Its enough of a red flag that he lied on his profile for me to want to run but I don't feel comfortable abandoning him either. And then his mother calls. He's been sent to a Psychiatric Hospital for evaluation and observation because to squelch the massive headache he had from the cigars and energy drinks he swallowed a whole bottle of aspirin. Why??? Why do I end up with the crazies?? Why do I get the men who have more issues than good points and no sense in their heads whatsoever?? I've been in Al-Anon for 22 years. You would think by now I wouldn't be putting out the "Judy likes Crazy Men" pheromone. He's in Pennsylvania right now with his parents, spending Easter with them and then he'll be coming back down. He got a job but now will have to find something else to earn money because he never did get to work. He's just nuts!! He keeps telling me he needs to be with me to help me through the next several days as I'm going to be busier than a one legged man at a butt kicking contest. When I get busy like I'm about to, its best if a wide path is given me as there is no stopping till its all over and done with. Its all about him and what he wants to do for me.
Lord help me end this gently I swear. I'm sick of this. Sick of trying to find someone. Sick of attracting the wrong type. Its not such a bad thing to be single, is it??
Have a blessed and safe Easter everyone.

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MAYBE.... LIKELY NOT

on March 18, 2009 - 3:38am

Well I met him. Keith is a nice person with kind eyes. Eyes are a big thing with me. Its just an innate reaction I guess. Anyway we met at a very nice restaurant called Gervais and Vine. Its on Gervais (Jervay. Its French) Street and its a relatively elegant place. We greet and begin to talk. Well, he talks. All about his Army days. Its interesting to meet someone who's been to the Middle East, Japan, Germany, Hawaii and other places that I don't have the time to list. Rarely does he ask about my life or interests. If I wanted to relate something about my life I had to interrupt his train of thought. Still I thought we'd had a good first meeting, despite my initial jitters. As I said, this kind of meeting up is way off radar for me and completely foreign. So we leave the restaurant and I get a limp handshake and a "nice to have met you". He doesn't even walk me to the car.
Since that meeting we've been emailing, but his responses have become shorter and more distant. I'm of the opinion that I should just let it go.
Its hard though. My mother is so anxious for me to meet someone and fall in the right kind of love so I can get married before she's too old to help with the preparations and see me have a pretty yet simple ceremony in a long white gown. She talks alot about my brother and his wife; how strong they are together. Its not easy. I'm very guarded around men and am often mistrustful of their intentions towards me. Maybe I should try to forget the hurt I suffered last year. Three different men all crumpled my heart up like a piece of unwanted paper and tossed it into the garbage, leaving me aching and angry. My friend June says that I have a drawbridge up over my heart. Thats a good analogy as thats really what it feels like. Though I know it will never happen, I'm sure if Josh himself began commmunicating with me I'd have my guard up against being hurt.
EHarmony keeps emailing me new men who are "potential matches". I don't have the funds at my disposal right now to afford even a month subscription. And I'm not sure I want to even do this again. Please, don't think I'm feeling sorry for myself. Its not feeling sorry if its being frank and honest about my life, is it??
Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks for listening!!

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THE EHARMONY QUANDARY.... PART II

on March 6, 2009 - 4:10am

Well, as it happens the free weekend had a bit of success. His name is Keith. He's a Program Manager, head of an IT department in a large company that I don't know the name of in downtown Columbia. We've been emailing some this past week. And tomorrow I will meet him. I'm nervous. Who wouldn't be?? All the usual "what if's" are bouncing in my head right now.
This is totally out of order for me. Usually a man comes in to my life quite by accident. My ex boyfriend and I met when I walked in to a room at the Church I belonged to at the time for a first read thru of a play we were both cast in. Our eyes met and that was it. For the next seven years that is. This blind date stuff is not my thing, even though its not really blind as we've been communicating via email. He hasn't seen my picture and I don't know what he looks like either.
I've been lonely for a long time. A friend on the boards gave me a gentle nudge by reminding me that I have to live in reality; that even though men are always looking for a certain "type", that "type" isn't what they get for the most part. And for that I thank her. Yes I'm short, yes I have a few pounds to loose, but at the same time I'm not morbidly obese.
From emailing with Keith I can tell that he's a focused, intelligent man with a strong sense of self. I know that he's of Austrian/Irish descent. The rest, well, we shall see.
And so I take this first tentative step out. Out of the house for once on a Saturday night. Out and away from the memories of my Ex, who, even though drove me insane, is a very good man and I still miss some qualities he has.
What I have to do now is to focus on living in the moment and not worry about what he will think of my old banged up car, or that I don't own my own home, or that I don't have nearly the income he has.
Baby stepping out and away from the sequestered life I've been living is a bit scary. But I have to do this. My mother of course gave me the standard issue 16 year old going out on a date speech. You know, "Don't meet him in a bar. Don't go anywhere alone with him yet. Meet in a public place with lots of people and lights around". That made me giggle. I am, after all, not 16 anymore. I'm 37.
Wish me luck. Maybe I won't end up Miss Dodds for life.
I'll let you all know how it went.

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ITS VERY DISHEARTENING

on February 16, 2009 - 8:32am

To be summed up by a man who doesn't know me from Adam as having a "beautiful smile" and have that be the final communication from someone a stupid computer program says could be "the love of my life". Its very upsetting to believe beyond a doubt that I'm not anyone's "type" physically. I guess all men want the same thing in their women. Size six (at the largest)long flowy dark hair, perfect porcelain skin and have the body of a rhythmic gymnast along with perfect C-Cup breasts. I will never be any of those things. Perhaps the time has come for me to simply say "I'm done" with men and accept my perpetual singlehood. To be simply "Miss Dodds" till the day I die. What an awful world this is. For women who aren't "perfect" by any industry standard, the women like me are shucked off and quietly dismissed. Men's eyes flick over our short, sturdy bodies, then look away. In my case maybe it is for the best. I'm post menopausal and only 37 years old, which means no babies for me. I survived a potentially fatal illness that's left its mark on my body in the form of ugly purple spots on my legs, torso and shoulder area. What man would want to have me close? To look at me like this? Apparently no one. "You have a beautiful smile". No one wants to look past the package to the soft, sweet inside. I do take care of myself. I do exercise and do what I can every day to look nice. I'm not an exercise "Nut" nor do I take pills or drink special waters or juices to loose weight. But apparently my efforts don't "measure up".
So I'm done. To all the men whose eyes flick over my short body only to look away can keep looking. I don't want you anyway. My life can be filled in other ways besides you. Its amazing to watch shows like "Bridezillas" and see the women who have snagged their men and are getting married. They are grossly overweight, are controlling, argumentative, and generally disagreeable at every turn. And yet they are getting married. How or why is it that they can, and I'm overlooked like an old shoe?
I'm done trying to answer the questions. I can take care of myself and be alone. I don't see any other choice.

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THE EHARMONY QUANDARY

on February 10, 2009 - 7:38am

Okay so I filled out the eHarmony Questionnaire and have 20 matches so far. And I haven't even forked over the $80.00 to join. I believe I'm ready to begin the process of dating, but I'm a bit nervous, naturally. I see these profiles of my supposed "matches" and some say they are looking for a brunette and I'm a blond so... why even bother if I'm not even hairwise what he wants?? I had a boyfriend who was like that. He really wanted a woman with long dark hair. And guess what? He married a woman with long dark hair. They have a daughter now.
Anyway, once I join I'm going to start checking out the field. I'm worried of course about what they will think when they see me. I'm short, thick and stocky but I'm not overweight to the point of looking overweight. Quite the opposite of the tall, willowy thin ladies that I see all the men pining for. So I'm hoping that out of these 20, I'll start seeing just one who doesn't care that I'm short, thick and stocky with short blond hair. And I have to laugh when I see their occupations. Attorney, Financial Manager, Assistant VP of Sales, etc. Do I see myself with my credit in the mess its in dating and possibly marrying a Financial Manager?? EEEEK!!
But at the same time, I've got to take some steps to get out of the lonely rut I'm in. Even if its just one evening with one man, it will be nice to have some place to be on a Saturday evening.
Wish me luck. This is actually the first time I've ever played "the game". My usual Modus Operandi is to just meet someone and start going out with just them and it grows on its own. Its just time for me to learn how to play the game.
I'll keep you all posted!!

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