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trying to hang in there....

on November 14, 2008 - 6:00am

They don't have a smiley for 'freakin' miserable!' Too bad, because they really should!

I haven't posted anything here in quite awhile. Just don't have much to say I guess...same-o, same-o....

I'm working like a fool, Sam is unemployed, but is going back to school in the hope of one day having employment again, and I feel like I'm being sucked into a black hole in hell. And I really don't want to even think about going to that place ever again....because if I do, I won't come out of it this time. I don't have the fortitude to do it again. I just don't. But I can't seem to snap myself out of this funk I'm in right now.

Boy, aren't I just a barrel of fun today? I think the only thing keeping me halfway sane right now is that Donna is back! YAY!!!

Because frankly...I'm sick of everything. I can't even get too excited about Josh. *sigh*

I'm tired of petty people fighting over stupid crap....

I'm tired of busting my butt at work and getting in trouble because someone else thinks I don't do I'm supposed to do my job and theirs too....

OK, I admit, most of the time, I don't work all that hard because I work at night, and...well, night shift just isn't as busy most of the time. But I seriously resent other people acting like I'm lazy when they have no freakin' clue what I'm doing or how busy I am while they're out of the lab.

And I'm sick of the snotty attitude I get hit with too. I really try to get along with everyone and I try not to make waves....If I have a complaint about something, it's generally a legitimate complaint, because I don't believe in fighting over stupid sh*t! I don't necessarily like everyone I work with, but I know I have to get along with them, and it's like they just think they're the masters of the universe because they're the 'favorites' who can do no wrong. And that it's ok to treat someone with more experience, more education, more seniority...with this attitude that they're somehow 'entitled' because they're so freakin' special. The only thing that makes them special is that their noses are brown.

On a happier note, I saw Joivana a couple of weeks ago. We drove Sam nuts because we stayed up half the night watching a DVD and giggling like schoolgirls. That was fun!!!

OK...gotta go...more soon, I hope...

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on August 17, 2008 - 12:46pm

I'm waiting for my friend Donna to call me. She is in town visiting, and we are planning to go to dinner tonight. Mexican food. YUM!!!!

Sam doesn't like Mexican food, and when I told him what we were planning, he said, "I'd rather go somewhere else." That kind of irritated me because we NEVER go for Mexican because he doesn't like it. I told him he can stay home if he wants to. That's an option too....:/ Sometimes he's such a big baby!

Anyway, I haven't seen Donna since last summer...almost a year when I FINALLY Grobanized her at the Stockton concert. Sheesh, if I had known that was all it would take, I would have taken her to Vegas with us last year! LOL

She's planning to move back here! *SQUEE* And if she gets hired back at the hospital here, I'll get to see her all the time!!!

My gosh, I can't believe it's almost a year since we went on our Josh-centric trip! Dang it Groban, get to work on that CD so I can plan another one!!! hehehe

So, I'm just hanging out, killing time. Nothing exciting to post really. Just felt like checking in....

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on July 6, 2008 - 4:46pm

Good God, I may not have much of a life, but it's so damn much better than some people!!!

Sometimes, I wonder why I even joined this dang fan club. Especially since I saw similar behavior...well, to my knowledge, not this bad, I guess in the only other fan club I've ever been a member of. I didn't renew there for several reasons, and I will never renew there.

I understand disagreements. They are natural. I hope the viciousness I've seen in recent days is not natural, and only a by-product of who the hell knows what....

But, for all the crap going on here....well, I've 'met' some wonderful people who are really very dear to me now. I have people that I can contact if I have a crappy day, and I have friends who make me laugh and bring me great joy. I hope I do the same for them too.

And I have Josh and his music to thank for that. spite of all the crap, I think I'll just keep my eyes on the reason I ever came here...and on the reason why I remain here.

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Fun weekend & other thoughts....

on June 26, 2008 - 1:43am

Sam and I went to Utah this past weekend to visit Joivana. Oh, we had so much fun! I wish I could afford to do that more often. It was so incredible to see her and spend time with her. She is so funny! We went shopping and we also went to see the movie 'Get Smart.' If you get the chance, you must see it! I laughed so hard, I think I almost peed myself several times! Then, of course, when I saw the credits, I understood part of why it was so funny...Mel Brooks was a consultant on the film. And he is FARKING brilliant!

Anyway, just being with Joivana was a joy! She makes me laugh so much, but I think by the end of Sunday, Sam was sick of hearing about....oh, what's his name? That hot singer? Oh, yeah...Groban....that's it! hehe I rarely get to talk much about Josh with anyone because everyone here thinks I'm psycho and obsessed. I'm seriously offended by that....NOT! Actually, I ALMOST resemble that remark...

OK, on to other things. Sometimes, I think I'm really old. Other times, I think I'm still a kid. I wish I could be 20 again, but only if I can know what I know now...hehehe.

Seriously, recently, I've been having some pretty 'dark' thoughts. And I can have some very dark thoughts. Been going places in my head where I haven't been for a long time and where I really don't want to be. Maybe that's part of why the weekend with Joivana was so therapeutic. It just felt good to not feel trapped, even if only for a couple of days.

Anyway, back to being old...hahaha....
Sometimes, I think I'm so old...but every now and then, I see a person my age, or even younger...that makes me realize maybe I'm not as old as I imagine I am. hehe

Tonight, I had to get a blood sample from a patient who is only a few months older than I am. But if I were to guess, I would have guessed this person to be far older than I am...based on appearance. So....I look pretty damn good! Must be too much clean living...well except for the fact that I used to smoke...

Yeah, I'm pretty damn boring too...but that's ok too, I guess. :)

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My poor hubby....

on June 15, 2008 - 12:24am

Poor Sam had an awful week...well for him anyway!

He's been doing yard work this week, since the weather has been a bit nicer. Anyway, on Wednesday, he accidentally killed a mouse. He felt just horrible about it. :( I tried to reassure him that it really was ok because it was just an accident. (I didn't tell him that I would have murdered the mouse on purpose, because that would have REALLY upset him!)

OK, so then on Thursday, when I got home from work that morning, I was really tired, so I didn't put the car in the garage. So, this is partly my fault, I guess. : Anyway, he was using the weed-eater up by the street (about 50 feet from the car) and a rock flew up and hit the back window. Then he was worried all day long, and afraid to tell me what happened. I was kind of mad, and asked him why he didn't have me move the car into the garage. He didn't want to wake me up....anyway, so now on Tuesday morning, I have to take the car to the shop to get the back window replaced. And (WTH was I thinking?) the appointment is the same time Josh is going to be on the radio in Seattle...I was going to try to listen online, but I guess not...

So Friday comes....Friday the 13th....DUM DUM DUM!!! When I woke up that evening, he was outside on the deck listening to his IPod, and I asked if he did any yard work. (I had even put the car in the garage so he could!) He told me no because he wasn't going to take any chances since it was Friday the 13th. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

OMG, sometimes he really makes me laugh!!!! What a nut!!!! I told him he was even more superstitious than I am...if that's possible. Because most people who work in healthcare are incredibly superstitious.

I hope his week is better next week.



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