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WARNING: another boring entry

on July 4, 2008 - 12:04pm

So my life is still boring. I saw Dr. R. He doesn't have any accent. We discussed ect. When I told Tony that, he freaked out. I'm the one who would get my brain electrocuted but he freaks out like it's him getting it. I didn't agree to it, me and Dr. R. just discussed it. What's worse? Putting a crap load of chemicals in your brain or zapping it and getting better faster? I'm open to suggestions since I have been ill since October of 2006.

There's a lot of chatter on the boards about Nay's site. I never went there. I do know Louise though but not enough to take sides. It's like the crap that was going on the boards a while ago. People were having a stroke about what someone said in their diary. But I do agree that if WB owns the copyrights to some of the stuff on Nay's site, they should just post it on their own website. I'm sorry that Nay is being harassed just because she has a website. Warner Bros. must think we are a bunch of children.

The kids are hoping to move soon, praise the Lord! I can have money again. I can wash/clean/cook my own stuff. I'll miss them, Demetri mostly but he'll be over a lot. I don't know what has gotten into him. He looks for trouble now. He's actually pissed me off a few times.

I told you this would be a boring entry.

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Update (Boring as usual)

on May 23, 2008 - 8:14am

I am so disappointed. Dr. Crawley is moving back to Indiana and I have to get a new shrink. Such is my life. I made an appointment with Dr. something-indian. I hope he doesn't have a thick accent that I can't understand. Some of the Indian shrinks I've met, I have not been able to communicate with them. I don't know why there seems to be more Indian doctors around here than English-as-a-first-language doctors. Even my GP is Indian.

The house is still full. No one has moved. I like having Demetri around but his parents need to find their own place.

Since the last time I wrote, the pet population has gone up. Pete was given a ferret - now there's 2. The neighbors don't bother to feed their cat and he has adopted us so that's 5 cats. Poor Taco is still bald except for her head, but the disease or whatever it is that she has is on her head now. It won't be long before she really is all bald. I did take her to the vet. They said it was her hormones and she needed to be spayed and have a tumor on her belly removed to the tune of $600 which was done, but the disease came back and they have no clue what it is. I bring home cream from the pharmacy to put on her like a greased pig. She hates it, but it helps.

Boring life. But I'd rather have boring than be sick again. I still hate TKD but I do it because of the kids in class. I've learned how to play the bass guitar. It's really fun and very easy since I already play guitar and can read music. We started a church band and there was no one to play bass, so Pastor Brian suggested I learn to play. I don't suck as much as I thought I would so that's really good for my self-esteem.

Until the next time...

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Update of my boring life

on April 29, 2008 - 7:21am

I got lucky - the painting is hanging in the dining room. Yeah! I had to go to Ft. Lauderdale to pick it up.

Other fascinating things that have happened:
I am getting all money from my bitch sister in a few days and trying not to spend it ahead of time.
Got the money for Sarah's school.
House is still full.
I am not doing as well as I would like to say I am. I am so tired of living with depression - it's been two years already. I see Dr. C next Tuesday. I started counseling which is going good. I feel I can say whatever to him. I have totally wasted my day because I have 15 minutes of actual work to do and I am by myself in the office today.

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Winn-Dixie - Getting Better All the Time!

on January 30, 2008 - 7:44am

So we finally got internet at work so I can pop on when I am alone like now. I am blasting Josh, but not too loud.

So I am getting better all the time, just like the fricking Winn Dixie ad. I have the button that says that in the car. We had to wear them at one point and I found it in my car and figured that was me so I hung it on the shit hanging from my rearview to remind me that I am getting better although there are some days that are still freaky.

One son moved out for a while but he's back (not his choice) and our house is full still. It's the least of my worries. I had to come up with $1000 for my daughter's tuition which was a struggle because my bitch sister did not send my trust check. She is such a bitch. I had to get a lawyer just to get paid the interest of my trust fund according to Dad's Will. And she's still screwing me.

On a happy note, I found the painter of my favorite painting on the internet. He wants $1250 for it. I offered him $300. I'll go as high as $600 but I doubt he'll take it unless he's still struggling with his art although I don't see why. His name is Joe Draye and he does these incredibly beautiful and intensely grotesque paintings. You'd have to see one to understand. Maybe I'll get lucky and have it the next time I log on.

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Where have I been?

on November 6, 2007 - 11:33am

I can't believe I haven't been on since July. Time really flies when you are depressed (not). I just don't have the need to sign on the computer anymore. I've been up to my usual crap but I am determined to get better. I hate the way I feel. Sometimes I have a good day, then wham, a crappy day. Damn meds take so long to work then if they don't you have to change them and wait again. So since I last wrote, I attempted suicide, got baker acted, went to the ER, escaped from there, walked 8 miles towards home. Three days later, my family decides I'm just too far gone for them to handle me so they ship my ass up to Jacksonville - 3 hours away. On the way there, I overdosed on xanax and woke up in a regular hospital two days later, then I got to the mental hospital, but they suck. I went for 6 days without any medication at all. So I faked my way out of it by pretending I was in a good mood and participating in arts and crafts (we colored pumpkins with crayons). All this time I was without my glasses, because I had rubbed the contact out of my eye and I didn't want anyone driving 3 hours just to get me my glasses. I got used to it. I signed myself out ama (against medical advice) as soon as the baker act was lifted. The doctor told me that he wanted me to stay 2 more days because it would look better to the insurance company . Screw that. Like I give a shit. Tony had driven up to see me and bring me my glasses, but I was able to walk out. Ah freedom.

So that's what I've been doing...trying to get my head on straight, get a grip and get on with it. I have a good psychiatrist. He told me that of all his patients, he only really worries about 2 or 3 and I am one of them. That floored me. I told him to forget about it, but he told me I scared him. That's pretty bad when you can scare your own shrink. Well, I made my bed and now I get to lie in it.

I signed up to be on the Christmas card list. I did it last year in my depression and really enjoyed doing my cards and getting them. I've got a lot of free time since I only work at Winn Dixie one day a week, don't do TKD, don't do children's church...just sit around and think. Which for me is dangerous. But I am good today. It's a beautiful day outside and I have no where I have to go.

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