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I'm bored

on September 13, 2006 - 7:54pm

I ran again today - 26 minutes! Go me! I am able to run more and walk less, but it still sucks and I hate doing it. But tae kwon do is discipline. I hate that word. Being a 2nd going to 3rd dsicipline means SELF-discipline. No one to tell me to run or to encourage me to keep going, just the voice in my head saying, "You don't have to do 3 miles, just do 2." and the one I really like "It's going to hurt like a son of a b if you smash your fist against that cement." Thanks, now shut up.

Today Bible study was about the "crowns" you get in Heaven. Pastor explained that at the time the New Testament was written crowns meant something you got for winning a race because the Olympics and athletics were very popular. Then he asked, "Who would undergo rigorous training to win a crown that was actually a branch from a bush?" I raised my hand and said it was the same as me training to get a strip of black cloth with three gold stripes. For me, getting the third stripe is not something I want for myself. I would have quit a long time ago, probably at no stripes. I am doing this for my students. If they see me run 2 miles, break 3 cement bricks with my fist and all the other stuff I have to do to get 3 stripes, maybe it will inspire them to keep going and get their black belt.

I talked to Christine and Nicole at class. They are testing for their first degree black belts the day I am testing. They are so far behind in their training. I asked them if they could do their 65 push ups yet, or had written their reports, or if they had even memorized their 5 verses of Scripture. No, no, no. So I agreed to meet them on Saturday mornings at 8:30 a.m. to help them train. We only have 4 weeks. I do not want to test by myself. Nicole didn't even know I was testing. I have managed to keep in a secret. It's their day, not mine.

I have my 15 verses memorized:
Therefore since we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith who, for the joy set before him, endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men so that you do not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline and do not lose heart when he rebukes you because the Lord disciplines those he loves and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as a son. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined, and everyone undergoes discipline, then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit ourselves to the Father of our spirits and live. Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best, but God disciplines us for our good that we may share in his holiness. No discipline is pleasant - it is painful. Later on however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet so that the lame will not be disabled but rather healed. Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness, no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:1-15

I have to recite it in front of the whole congregation on Black Belt Sunday and tell them why I picked the verses and what it means to me. That will be the easiest part of my test. I just have to break those damn bricks!!! ARGH!!!!!!

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Just a Sunday note

on September 10, 2006 - 5:02pm

Slept like crap last night. After sleeping in a nice bed, it just makes my mattress seems so hard and uncomfortable. But it's an excuse to go the Peabody.

Since I slacked yesterday, I trained today. I managed 42 pushups - not enough, need to do 23 more. I did self-defense with poor Pete (what I could remember) I did part of my form (while I waited for the rain to end) and then I ran. I had to do 3 miles. I went and put my shoes on and I really just wanted to lay down and take a nap but I managed to get out of the bedroom with my sneakers and go.

Pete couldn't find his rio chiba so I used Tony's - no Josh, no techno, just worship songs. Oh well, better than nothing. But I did find it easier to keep going while hearing "you are my strength when I am weak" so I did 3 miles is 27 minutes! I am so happy! I can do the 2 miles for sure! Now I just have to break that damn cement. Shall I try now? Give a sec.

nope. :( But it did crack so I am getting there. Yes, it hurts.

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Happy 27th Anniversary!

on September 9, 2006 - 7:26pm

Went to the Peabody yesterday for our anniversary. Had a wonderful time! It went by too fast. We could see the shuttle launch from our window - it was cool, better than seeing it from Ocala. We had room service breakfast this morning. They overbake their croissants! ha ha I got my hair cut in the salon this morning. Nothing fancy, but it's at least cut. Tomorrow I will play with it and see what I can do with it. You would think at a hotel where the cheapest room is over $200, that they would charge a lot in the salon - nope, hair cut $35! Next time we go, I will definitely go back and have it cut again. Maybe a facial too! We got there at 5 p.m. and didn't even leave until 12. At check out, we had to straighten out the charges on the bill and somehow even though we paid $299 when we checked in, they still ended up giving us a $100 credit. Tony tried to tell them, but they insisted, so oh, well...

Me and Tony had some good heart to heart conversation. We talked about what's going on at our church, Pastor Brian, and Josh. I told him I appreciated him not getting all nuts about my obsession and he told me that he sees how happy it makes me and if it makes me happy, he has no problems with it. He teased me about what if I ever meet Josh, but I figure that will never happen anyway. He did say that Josh sure knows how to get money out of me! ha ha He's right about that! He told me also that he wants to get a new job but he hasn't done anything because we are for the first time in our married lives "comfortable" and able to afford stuff (like the Peabody) and he doesn't want to lose that. I told him that it was more important that he be happy with his job than for us to go off for the weekend. He said he was going to start looking and talk to a few people who have asked him in the past to work for them running ADT's.

I saw Kati today. Tony was so sweet to let me spend of "our" time with her. Tomorrow she leaves to go back with her mom in Phoenix. I was sad. I took her to lunch and shoe shopping. Tony took a picture of us together. I hope she's okay out there.

I have been a lazy bum with my training...only 5 weeks to go. I really have to get my butt in gear or I will not pass. It was nice not having class this week, but I need motivation to actually get my butt moving. I usually take Sunday off from training, but I guess I am going to go for a run tomorrow!

I have so much stuff to do already and I am not getting any of it done. I need to stop wasting my time off!

I renewed my FOJG membership today. I figured I would beat the October rush.

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he was grinning from ear-to-ear when he read it

on September 1, 2006 - 7:30pm

I am so excited - my fat book made it to the dinner and Jack Groban read it! Thank you Gayle! She said he was grinning from ear-to-ear when he read it and he promised to share it with others. That was my happiest news of the day.

My second happiest news I got in TKD. Master Rolland and I were discussing the black belt test and what I had to do. I thought I would have to do all 10 forms, but he said all I had to do was one - Kumgang which is the form for a second degree black belt. The only problem is that he doesn't know it so he can't teach me. I have to teach myself. I looked at my book to see how hard it was going to be to do this and I was extremely pleased to see that it is an incredibly easy form. I won't have a problem learning it in six weeks and getting it perfect.

Then I asked him about the fitness part. I have to do 200 jumping jacks or 2 mile run. Mr. Kim wrote out my training schedule for me since he coaches track and field at the high school. I read it and told him that I thought he was trying to kill me. Me and the kids in demo class ran for 10 minutes which was on my training schedule. Dang, I could only run for about a minute before my legs got tired. I was frustrated and when I spoke to Master, he said that TKD doesn't make your legs strong for running, running makes your legs strong for TKD. Dang again. I guess I still have to run. I asked Master about the jumping jacks. In class we count one for each two we do, so I thought he meant I would end up actually doing 400, but he said no. If I count one for each, I only have to go up to 100. Tomorrow when I am not so dang tired, I will see how many I can do.

The only part I can't do yet - breaking. I got the brown re-breakable board out and tried and yes, my hand was hurting then Master says, "Hit it again." Oh crap. It's one thing to smash your fist to begin with, but to have to do it again when your hand already hurts it quite another. I did it, but did not break that freaking board. Master says, "I know you will break the bricks at testing, but the purpose today is to condition your hand." Thanks, that just makes my hand feel so much better.

I sparred Master really well. He got frustrated that he couldn't hit me with a head shot - ha ha! I kept blocking him. Unfortunately, I walked into a side kick and caught it twice as hard right in the ribs. Even though I had a chest protector on, it hurt so bad I doubled over. I was so pissed at myself. It was a stupid mistake. When I was leaving, Dave, Master and Juan were still there. Master asked me how old I was when I got my second degree (43) and Davd asked me how long I had to wait for my 3rd degree test. I told him 4 years. His eyes got big as he did the math and said, "You are 47?" I replied, "No I am 48." He stared at me and I asked him what was wrong. He said he was having a hard time believing I was that old. he he he This old lady still has it (some days).

Both classes were huge. I thought people would be away this weekend. I gave my sparring partner, Josh (that's a nice name) his new arm and shin guards on Wednesday. Today in class he kept looking at me for me to call him up to spar with him. He is a good sparring partner because unlike every other student in the class, he is not afraid to try to kick me although he hasn't developed the technique to do powerful kicks yet, but he has heart and won't stop sparring.

I have to work tomorrow in the pharmacy until 3, then me and Tony have to go hook up the new cd to the sound system and work on his monitor. After we are going to practice. Thursday he decides that we should sing the special on Sunday. Great.... He picked a song I don't know real well which worked out because he tells me I am singing the harmony (which normally I couldn't find with a road map) but since I don't know the melody, I am listening to the background vocals and learning the harmony part as the melody. The things I do to outsmart myself. He sings most of the song anyhow. Then when I get home I have to do two miles according to my training schedule and practice the form, do push ups and smash my poor hand against the board. The test is 6 weeks from today.

My life has been dull other than this, but it's okay. I am still struggling with the depression, but I have been winning the past couple of days. I did leave the deli and hour early to go home and catch a quick nap before class. It was nice. Well outta space - gotta stop.

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More boring stuff about my craptacular life.

on August 26, 2006 - 6:37pm

Things are so boring around here. All the AZ ladies are at a dinner, B and Lori are gone for the weekend and Kati is not online.

I made a bracelet for the auction. I hadn't planned to but when I went to Hobby Lobby, the charms were half off so I couldn't resist. I got $50 from the in-laws for my birthday. So I bought Kati some sketch pencils and a pad, a Blue Clues outfit for Demetri (I officially hate that dog now that I have watched it a few thousand times with him.) and I paid for a ladies prescription at the pharmacy. She's a widow and life hasn't been kind. She came to ask me to loan her a few pills till she got paid next week (which I did) and then when I went to put the rest of the rx in the pick up bin, I figured what the heck. I had $50 in my pocket and she deserves something good to happen once in a while. I have to practice my best "who me" face so when she picks it up and asks me if it was me, I can fake it. She'll probably figure it was me, but I don't want her to know it was. I guess I should have put the money in my Josh fund since it is empty, but I didn't even think about it until it was gone. Oh well. I don't regret spending the money.

I did buy myself something - some new readers at the dollar store so now I can finally see up close again! All I really wanted for my birthday was that and to get out of Marion Oaks. Since both jobs are here, I never leave unless I am with someone else. So I got what I wanted.

Tomorrow in kid's church I am bringing cupcakes and ice cream for all the kids. I passed out invitations to a "surprise" party but didn't tell them who's birthday it is. They were all bugging me in TKD class Friday when I asked them if they were coming. I am not telling them tomorrow either. I conveniently left my name of the birthday list in the bulletin. Pastor Brian is doing his lesson for the kids on being born again hence the birthday party. I wanted to have a party with the kids, but I didn't want it to be about me so I came up with this idea.

Demetri is officially in his terrible two's. It will be so much fun when he moves in with us next month. I heard him in the bedroom with Grandpa earlier. Demetri must have been on the bed where I have a Josh pillow from Roxanne because I kept hearing Tony telling him that was Josh. Demetri says Jah and Tony was trying to get him to put the sh on the Jah. It was funny. When I was getting ready for work later, Demetri kept kissing the pillow. He kisses everything. He kissed the tag with Blue on it from his new clothes. He kisses the dog, the cats, but not the ferret because of the ferret's whiskers. Pete was a nice kid and replaced all the batteries in all Demetri's toys today. Dang firetruck. I looked at toys at the store, but everything makes noise nowadays. Clothes are quiet and he needed them more than toys. He's got a cabinet full of pots that he likes to play with.

My depression is back - I knew it would come back someday. They told me that I had a 50/50 chance of a recurrance. At least this time I can see and know what it is. I was in denial about it for a few months, but now I am just pissed about it. I haven't done anything about it though other than to tell Tony. He was devastated. He suffered as much as I did the last time but I promised him I would tell. Some days are good, most are bad, but I am trying. What am I trying? I don't know....to fight it? to get un-depressed? I don't know, it just sucks.

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