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The Wagon's Getting Tippy...

on January 21, 2008 - 7:11am

I've been good every day this month. I've written everything that's passed through my lips down. I haven't really even deprived myself of anything- i've been eating more points (both AP and FP) than I have done in the past... so why am I activel planning to have a really naughty day when my dad goes off to San Francisco for a week?

Seriously, there is not reason why I can go out and eat the dounuts and/or pizza swimming in my head every day this week while he's here. I'm not on a "diet" it's a LIFESTYLE and it includes all the "naugty" foods when I want them... Yet I'm sitting here thinking of all the foods I don't normally include in said lifestyle and thinking somewhere in the recesses of my mind that I need a "catch-up" day (translation: a day that totals more points than your average NFL game). Worse, I want to do it when no one will be around to see it so when I step on the scale at the end of the week and it's not pretty, I can throw up my hands and feign innocence and say "Oh, it must just be one of those dreaded gain weeks"

Okay okay! No! No! No! We're not going to give in to this. Last I heard Josh is reportedly going back to the studio to make us another amazing album which means he'll tour again and I want my girly day! And, let's be real honest, Josh too... but I figure THAT miracle would be easier to come by if I'm not unhappy with myself. It's tough to be attractive in an accidental meeting when the first thing to pop into my brain would be "Good lord I wish I weere 10 lbs smaller!" And, again with the honesty, running into Josh in that sense is utterly against the odds, but I'm stil one of those romantic softies who wants to run into SOMEONE that way! And I wouldn't want them to have to deal with this emotional eater and all her excess baggage (both in the metaphorical and literal sense)

But honestly, more than that, I don't want to be the slave to food I was back in high school. I realy, really, REALLY don't. It may not have been holding the smoking gun but it was definately an accessory in mom's death (ooh, *gasp*, there world I said it!) Both sides of the family really get into trouble at about 50 or so if they haven't taken care of themselves (mom died at 52, dad and the uncles either have diabetes or liver or cholesterol problems). I know that I'll be so much better off once I get it through my head that yes, the "old ways" of eating were a PROBLEM. Not neccessarily the food. I can still eat the food. It's the borderline binging that has got to stop being attractive.

*sigh* Wow. I actually feel a ton better after this rant.

...Except now I'm trying real hard to be late for work. D'oh! The wagon lumbers off to a wobbly start today!

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on January 18, 2008 - 10:52pm

OMJ. My family constantly taunts me for my "steel trap" ability to remember useless pieces of information from random sources. Why the bloody heck can I not remember what Josh wished us for Valentines day WHEN IT REALLY COUNTS?!?!

(Probably because it was Valentine's Day. I try to block Valentine's Day from my consciousness every year, but still. NUTTER BUTTERS!)

Oh well- I've been a few registers sort of a CPU all week. I didn't help that our internet kept borking out onus all week. I was good and resorted to writing down points on paper, but I must have flubbed a few numbers. SO instead of a third straight losing week in a row, I gained a touch. Oh well. I survived a rough Thursday (got stuck in a 2 hour meeting in a small room with 2 full boxes of dooughnuts without touching ONE and then another 1 hour meeting with a plate of cookies) and I was super in planning for my friend's birthday party tonight. FYI: P.F. Chang's has fantastic food... if you want to starve for the next four days! Honestly, what do they do to their Kung Pao Scallops? Soak them in lard? They taste so so SO good but seriously, 29 points for a plate? I sampled and still undid an hour of hard-core skating and pilates in 5 bites!

*sigh* And yet for all that... all I realy want to know is why I'd forget what Josh was holding in a video with Muhammed Ali? Actually, I take that back. What I really want to know is whether or not I can stop being a psychologist long enough to try to remember some answers without worrying that I'm just inventing memories.

*sigh* I can be such a geek sometimes :P

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Blink Blink

on January 15, 2008 - 8:25pm

Wow. Why is it that life seems to fly at you in one giant unstoppable WHOOOSH?

Sunday, I'm whining about what a rut I'm in and how if you give me a minute, hour, and day I can tell you (not just predict, but actually TELL you) what I'll be doing or what I was doing at that time.

Monday I get to work and it was like I hadn't been there for weeks. Everything starts breaking and for some reason I'm the one who's supposed to fix it. Wasn't just me on Monday either: pretty much every one I chat with at work was having a crappy day. We'd pass each other in the halls and all but hug each other in sympathy cause we were all getting kicked around. Then I get home and try to cheer myself up by watching Ratatouille and cooking Ratatouille and I nearly take my finger off slicing vegetables. At least I ate well yesterday- leftover spaghetti for lunch (YUM) and the Ratatouille was actually pretty good (very different, but very edible)!

Today, I didn't spend more than an hour and a half at my desk at any given time. It was work an hour, run to a meeting, come back, work a bit, run somewhere else. At least I got my steps in for the day!

After the giant company meeting there was one of those "optional" receptions... with cookies and brownies EVERYWHERE. Since I'm following a lifestyle and NOT A DIET, I had a small bit of brownie and then filled up on veggies and fruit- go me! I took the rest of my brownie back and gave it to my office mates ;P ...Then went out to dinner at Red Robin and ordered a Rookie Magic shake (Good LORD do I love Oreos). But I made up for it by trying the BBQ Chicken Wrap and only eating half of it (VERY very good... for only 4 points?!?!?) I'm stuffed regardless so all is well. Besides, I hit the ice AND Pilates today. Despite a day of treating, I still have flex points left!

Bah! Fingers are sore, legs feel like jelly, the abs can't find a comfortable way to sit. Time to soak in the tub, listen to a little Josh, and say good night to a crazy three days.

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on January 12, 2008 - 9:47pm

You know what the worst part of watchign your team self destruct in the playoffs is? Realizing that ou have to wait until August to watch them again. *sigh* Ah well, guess I need to get myself a Packers or a Colts jersey now.

... But on the upside, I made it through a playoff football game with only 1 cup of Quaker Cheddar Snack mix and a diet root beer. Go, Me! Go! Could it be I'm learning to tame my noshing side? Eh, maybe not: I kinda dried to drown my frustrations at the Seahawks utter lack of defense with some really spicy Mexican (to me, "a la Diabla" translates to "I'm TASTY! Order ME!!!") and baked banana bread (I cleaned up an already clean recipe, so 1/8 a loaf is only 2 points! :) ). But, I hardly touched the rice that came with my dinner and passed the cheese laden beans over. And last night, I totally rocked Tony Roma's (which reminds me of another tirade I've been meaning to go on: what is the DEAL with some restraunts actively refusing to give out nutrition info? HONESTLY. You don't have to give away your ingrediant list, but a calorie and fat count would be a welcome start! *SHEESH*) Instead of the sauce heavy ribs and the oversided baked potato, I had a smalled salmon dish (that was OH SO GOOD :)) and two servings of veggies. Granter, the "steamed vegetable" medly was probably steamed in butter, but overall I did far better at a restaurant I usually use as an excuse to fall off the wagon.

...Okay, so I can put on a game face on demand... why can't my Seahawks? This 12th man is NOT pleased.

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Go figure.

on January 11, 2008 - 7:52pm

You know, they say that if you *insert adjective* follow the WW plan, it *repeat adjective* works. I'll admit, I've been following it with some success for about a year now but I never quite bought in to that idea. I guess I could always think of excuses (or "factors" I would tell myself) that they hadn't account for.

So when the scale told me I was a whopping 4lbs lighter this week it kinda floored me. I ate WAY more last week than I usually do with really only a mild bump up in activity (just working a little harder at skating really...) but I ended up losing way more than normal. My skeptic side is reminding me I had a lot of sugar/sodium/fluff weight from the holidays to lose but still, go figure!

... Course, it does mean I'm 4lbs closer to a Josh splurge :) So hurry up Josh! Start touring again so I can have my girly time! :) And, by the way, a great big HUGE THANK YOU to every one who's cheered for me and taken the time to tell me so. It's amazing me how much it really does help! (So much so, I've actually seriously thought about joining WW meetings instead of just doing the online thing only.)

In other news, I've decided it must be divine providence that's causing all my childhood characters to demand exorcising a la novel writing: I had decided after reading a few chapters of my "Complete Idiot's Guide to Writing a Novel" that I really need to read more short stories and find some magazines that cater to other genre's besides sci-fi (breadth of reading fluency being the goal here). I walked into work today and the first thing I saw on the front table of the lunchroom with a nice friendly "Free to Take!" sign on them were three issues of "Fantasy & Science Fiction" and two issues of "Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine". Go figure! (I quickly absconded with them, then had to fight through the day at work without cranking up Josh and reading them :P)

Hey! Speaking of Josh (this is FOJG... when do we not?), I saw on Napster this morning that Ave Maria was on the Napster "Best of 07" playlist and that Napster also had a "Best of Josh Groban" playlist. One little invite to Oprah and one REALLY FRICKEN GOOD version of Midnight Clear and suddenly our boy is turning into more of a household name. (All together now) Go figure!

EDIT: This is how much of a computer geek I am. My first submission of this entry used the angle bracket characters up where the * characters are. Then I notice that they and the words they enclosed didn't show up in the text of the entry. Then I spend 5 mins trying to debug why and testing to see if there was an escape character that would let me include them. I spend all day at work debugging text processing code and come home and do it some more. Go Figure!

2nd EDIT: And this is how much of a writing geek I've become lately. I just spent another 5 minutes fixing typos and actually editing my phrasing in this entry.



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