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It's soooo late, but....

on September 5, 2007 - 11:45pm

I just had to check in...I'm up anyway! Kara's healing well from her tonsillectomy, but she's having a little pain and woke up a little while ago, so I'm up 'til she's back to sleep. Hubby came home today from a short business trip. He was shocked and pleasantly surprised to see that I had painted our bathroom while he was gone. I did it in a day; my muscles feel like it, too! haha I'm still having some "slumps" in my mood, but am doing much better. I really miss being on the FOJG site...it seems like all I have time to do lately is breeze in and breeze right back out. Hardly leaves time to really "connect" with anyone. It's funny how much you miss it when you've got to be away from here! I'm still holding my breath and waiting with extreme anticipation, hoping Josh continues his tour some more in the states, and more importantly, in the south! I often listen to Josh in the afternoons to relax a little before I pick the girls up from school. Often I get this really strong feeling at the thought that I actually got to be in the same room with that voice...and then the even stronger feeling that I want to do that again! Then I think about how very lucky I was to actually get his autograph at that same concert! Then to be in a brief clip on national TV--on Mother's Day at that--from that same concert! Yeah, it would be pretty hard to top that experience. But the desire to experience his voice live all over again...man oh man...I'll never be cured of that!

Well...I need to go check on Kara again...hopefully she's in a deep, restful sleep. And hopefully I'll be able to check in with everyone else in here very soon. I'm seriously considering declaring myself an "FOJG Night" sometime this weekend...all my friends seem to be tied up with other things, so that pretty well shoots the chance for a "girls night out". And after being at home for a week with a post-surgery child...well...let's just say I'm beginning to have a little "cabin fever"...LOL

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Update...

on August 31, 2007 - 9:31pm

Well, I am definitely not pregnant anymore...and...unfortunately, my sister, it seems, has miscarried as well. More family drama other than that has been going on (I'll spare the details!) and my middle daughter came through her tonsillectomy fine. She's a trooper for a 5-year-old! Also, my daughter's friend with cancer, from what I heard, is also doing well, considering. They think the cancer is treatable, although they did find it not only in a salivary gland, but also on her spine...

I'm once again struggling to "find my words", so I don't really know what else to say. I just hope I'm back to myself after I get some sleep...

Thank ya'll so much for thinking of me right now...

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One more thing...

on August 28, 2007 - 12:17am

One other thing keeping my perspective in check: Friday night we got a phone call telling us that one of my oldest daughter's best friends was diagnosed with cancer. We don't know many details, but that at this point it's "in-operable". She's only 7 years old. I really am sad about my own loss; however, I have 3 healthy, beautiful daughters. I have nothing to complain about whatsoever! Their family, as well as our community, has been rocked by their news. The journey that little girl is on is a tough one to say the least. I can't help but think she'll pull through this; but it's still so sad that she has to suffer at such a young age...

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Good news and Bad news...

on August 28, 2007 - 12:11am

Bad news first: Well, it's amazing what happens when you question things...I happened to mention in my last entry about wondering whether or not I did in fact want to have another baby...I can say for certain, now, yes. However, the events of this past weekend are what made my mind up. I found out Saturday afternoon that I was pregnant. Honestly, I couldn't believe it. Didn't expect it in the least! The more I thought about it, and hubby and I talked about it, we began to get excited. Just to be sure, I took another test Sunday morning, only to see it was, indeed, positive. Then the bad news kicked in. Sunday afternoon I began...well...we're pretty sure I lost the baby...the doctor said it was probably the case, but that he wants me to take another test later in the week to be sure, especially if my "symptoms" clear up...a small glimmer of hope, but I really am doubtful at this point.

The good news: my sister called tonight to say she's expecting her first baby! I am soooo excited for her (my little sissy!!!). I'm gonna have another neice or nephew!!!

(Yeah, it's kinda sad right this minute for me 'cause after I had called her Saturday, we were hoping to be pregnant at the same time! But it's her time to celebrate; honestly, it's a totally separate thing in my mind.)

Anyway, I know if it's meant for us to have another baby, it will happen when the time's right. And I will say one thing for me--I am probably the one who's most shocked and amazed at my attitude/reaction of losing a baby...I always thought I'd just be falling apart. My doctor was even amazed that I'm not falling to pieces. And I'll say this--I hope I will continue to grow in this way; to be able to handle "life" so much stronger than I used to. That, my friends, is the silver lining to my cloud! I am changing for the better, and I LIKE IT!!! As for the baby...I wasn't very far along, but I will always wonder whether it was a boy or a girl...and what went wrong. I started questioning myself; but decided it would be more productive to figure out what to do to be healthier for next time. Really, I hope and pray I continue on this positive perspective in life...I really like it this way!

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Blessings

on August 23, 2007 - 8:27am

What a wonderful feeling you get when you sit back and REALLY think about all the blessings in life. Sure there are tough times. But there are friends to help you through, too. There is sadness. But there is so much beauty in the world that it's hard to stay down. There'd depression sometimes. But then there's MEDICINE! hahahaha Fortunately, for me, I haven't needed the medicine for almost 6 months. I feel great! After post-partum depression clouds (after all 3 babies) have surrounded me for about 7 years, I finally am feeling myself again. No. Better than I've ever felt. Is it age? Is it wisdom? Okay. A LITTLE wisdom. I have a LOT to learn still. But seeing the good in every situation--extremely hard to do--apparently has begun to pay off. And then comes the next dilemma. I want another child. I DON'T want the depression afterwards! I really think that not having another baby, that looking back, I would be so full of regret. I've always wanted 4 children. I know I have the ability to change my dreams, but is that the kind of dream to just change? I am currently trying hard to work toward a more healthy life--exercise, eating right, etc. I am tired of carrying around the extra weight(baby weight--that I put on AFTER the babies, no less!). I have a ways to go to lose it all-about 30 more pounds. And then I wonder if all the positive changes could possibly cause the postpartum depression to "take a hike" if I keep on the healthy track throughout pregnancy...if/when it happens. I have been so blessed to have a husband that is such a loving man both to me and the girls. I've been blessed with 3 beautiful, healthy girls. Is it too much to want one more? I'd love to know what it's like to have a son. Don't get me wrong. I'd love to have another girl, too. But I really would like to know the bond between mother and son like my mother-in-law has with my husband. He's not a "momma's boy" or anything, but they have such a sweet relationship; I'd like to know what that feels like. I know you can't choose; nor should I be picky. So many people would love to just have 1 child, and can't. I know my husband and girls would all love to have another "guy" in the house, too! Hubby's a little out numbered! 'Course, I tell him he was outnumbered when he said "I do"! LOL

Okay...back to housework...2-year-old's gettin' restless with me at the computer! Just had to have a little break!

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