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Never complain

on February 22, 2008 - 11:09am

You know, I've been wallowing in my little puddle of misery for about a month now. I've tried hard not to show my pain and agony of trying to keep my chin up after my husband decided to quit his latest job six months into it without a new job to replace it. He's been looking, but gets complacent when he has an interview. So I have to keep him motivated. That wears on me. I've managed to keep us afloat financially but it's been a test, and the ship is starting to sink.

Yet just when I think I have in extruciatingly bad, I hear stories of others who have it far worse. People with illness, disease, burdens beyond their control. Then I feel like an idiot. My husband CAN work, he just deals with issues that make it sometimes difficult. Hasn't found the right fit yet, although I truly wish he would just find something in the interim of finding the "perfect job." Yet he is healthy, I am healthy, our families are healthy, so there is no real reason to complain.

I think sometimes, God brings us these stories to show us how good we have it. My heart goes out to anyone dealing with things they shouldn't have to. {{{hugs}}} to you all.

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Is this year EVER going to end?

on December 17, 2007 - 6:25pm

This entire month of December, all I have wanted is for the year 2007 to be over. It goes down as one of the worst in my 43 years on this planet. My mother's health crisis, almost losing her, my husband deciding he had to "end it all" and being unsuccessful, my husband having a falling out with his boss (a friend of ours), quitting his job, and not working for three months, along with the constant battle to get him to love life again; and me trying to go to school, work (another hellish event) all-the-while trying to keep everything else afloat in my life. Seemed like just when life would stabalize, I get kicked down again by something else. Maybe I try too hard. Maybe I care too much. Dunno, but very little seems to have gone right for almost 300 of 365 days.

The one happy thing that I did get out of the year was getting involved with FOJG, making new friends, and being able to see Josh live on several occassions. My mother believes that is what has kept me out of any psych ward this year. I think she has a point. Music has always been my escape, and Josh happened into my life at just the right time. For that Mr. Groban, I am most appreciative. Thank you for your music, and the friends that you have brought into my life through FOJG.

While I do have that music outlet, I need to find something more to augment it. I need to start walking again. I need to get involved in some charity that will fit in around my hectic schedule. I need to take care of me. Hubby is going to have to start taking some resonsibility for his own life in 2008. At least if he wants me to go back to school, and keep me, he will.

Funny enough, hubby is the one who told me a story about a "God jar." A place where you can write down your worries, put them in that jar and be free of them, basically giving them over to God. I have just the jar for this task. This is going to be something new in my house. I just hope God is ready because there may be a lot of paper in there. I don't believe in New Year resolutions any more. I never stick to them, so why bother? C'mon 2008, get here already and let's be like Bon Jovi and make (2007) a memory!! We have a lot to work to do in the next 365 days. ;-)

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Bah rum pa pum :-P~~~~~

on December 11, 2007 - 10:04am

How can Christmas have lost its luster to me? Where did my Christmas spirit go? Sure, money is especially tight this year. It's been a year where we both spent too much on stuff, where cars broke down, teeth needed to be fixed, etc. But I'm having a hard time finding the spirit as it were. People just seem to run over you at stores, not saying "excuse me" or anything. Hardly a "Merry Christmas" or even "Happy Holidays" in the bunch. It actually catches me off guard when I here someone say either. Maybe because I can't afford to visit family during Christmas that I feel so rotten. They understand, but I love to see them all together.

I love to buy gifts for people. My family always makes a list of what we would like. This way there is no question. Hubby always loves the idea because his family never did it. Which would probably explain why we have recieved such mindless gifts from his family over the years. It's sort of the "we have to get you something, so here" type thing. Usually it isn't anything I can use other than at Christmas. To be honest I would rather get nothing than not have any thought put into the gift. But that's me. Of course I should be grateful they think of us at all, because they barely call the rest of the 364 days of the year. Makes me appreciate my family that much more. We don't talk all the time, but at least we try.

I truly hope I can find my Christmas spirit in the next 2 weeks. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday. Maybe if we all "Believe" something magical will happen. :-)

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Gotta take the bad with the good

on December 2, 2007 - 7:13pm

Well, what can I say, I love NYC in the winter. Even if it is very, very cold. I am thankful that there was no snow last week, as I had already seen enough of that in Colorado over Thanksgiving. Went with my mom to Colorado for my brother's wedding the Saturday after Thanksgiving. The trip there had it's issues and I ended up being several hours late, leaving my poor mother waiting for me in the Denver airport for three hours by herself. We got our car and headed to Estes Park, some place I have never been before. We got there after getting lost twice, and basically telling my brother to find us and get us to the lodge or I was going to kill him. But we got there. LOL The wedding was very nice, and my cousin treated me to a tour of the Rocky Mountain State Park. He is a science teacher, and after I asked him if the pines were different on the West Coast than the East Coast, I promptly was given a lesson on "hugging a pine tree" to see the different bark, and "smelling a pine tree" to smell the vanilla odor Ponderosa pines emit. Apparently I will have to find some East Coast pine trees this summer to "hug" and "smell" for research. :-) The trip back was pretty eventful, finally crawling into my bed in Virginia Monday evening at 1:30AM. Had some errands to do before I left for NJ to meet my friend Peggy, so I had to get up around 7:30 to start those. Made it to NJ around dinner time, and we added Loni and left for NYC Wednesday AM. Traffic sucked, but we got to our hotel pretty easily. Eventually mulled over to Rockefeller Plaza and caught Josh at sound check. What a treat!!! Since this was the 75th anniversay, only "VIPs" were allowed anywhere near the block around the skating rink and tree, so Peggy, Michele and I decided to watch the show from our nice, warm hotel room. Best decision all weekend. NYC TV showed both hours, so we got to see both songs. Met up with the rest of the Grobies for dinner and had a blast meeting people I have only talked to online and seeing others I hadn't seen since the tour. Thursday had no Josh plans, so we explored several locations. Had our picture taken twice with a very "snarky" Santa at Macy's......twice. What are the odds at Macy's that you would get the same Santa twice? Go figure. He was rather "randy" and definitely scared me from wanting to get anywhere near Santa's lap for quite some time. The Charmin store was interesting, offering free bathrooms (a premium in Manhattan) and some silly fun.
Got up at the crack of dawn to meet up with my party that was supposed to get into GMA on Friday morning. Thank God for 24 hr Starbucks!!! Checked out and checked our bags to a storage room. Thankfully got into the studio, since my toes were numb, and it was amazing to see Josh that up close and personal. I only wish I could have spoken to him and told him how much I appreciated Loni offering me the chance to be there, and seeing his cute self in person. Peggy and I were very tired after the taping and decided to head to the train station and get some sleep at her house. Went back to the hotel to get our gear. This is when the worst of the bad stuff started. My backpack was missing. It had my iPod nano, my Ray-Ban sunglasses, my regular glasses, some Josh crossstitch I was doing, and my thumb drive. Fortunately nothing that I can't replace, but I felt so violated that I broke down and cried. The hotel can only come up with the suggestion that someone picked it up by mistake. Well, that was Friday, and after leaving my contact info with them I still haven't heard anything. Now all I can do is hope for the best. Thank God no ID, pertinent info (that I know of) or my laptop were in it. As we were finally on a train to NJ, it dawned on my that my car keys, my house key, and my truck key were in the bag as well!!!! Now I can't even go home in my misery. So I'm stuck in NJ, blocking Peggy's car in. Thankfully she has wonderful roommates that I know very well. The local Hyundai dealer can make me a key, but I need my registration from the car, which is locked. After my husband pissed and moaned about having to drive to NJ from VA, my brain began to function and I decided to call Hyundai's roadside assistance. Thankfully they could come out at no cost and unlock the car so I could get the paperwork. That let hubby off the hook, which was fine as I had no use for him at that point. So Saturday morning, my friend Lynn takes me to the dealership to get my key made. The sweet people there even gave me an extra key at no charge after hearing my story. We get back to the house and I start the car, which hasn't run since Tuesday night. It is deader than a doornail!!! I call Hyundai again and someone finally shows up to jump the car (where the h-e-l-l are my jumper cables anyway????). The charger doesn't work and the guy decides to push the car out of the driveway to the street so he can jump it with his car. When he takes a break pushing it I decided to try the key again. It turns over!!. So I pull back into the driveway and let it run for 30 minutes, locking it with my spare key. We all eat lunch and I head home, with the advise of hubby not to stop at any cost. LOL I should feel lucky that I am alive and had so many nice people at Hyundai helping me, not to mention the patience of saints of my friends, who were stuck with me for over 36 hours more than planned, and I do. But I feel violated, bruised and battered along with it. For all the fun I had in NYC, for all the joy I got from seeing Josh sing again, it was stripped away from me by some probably jerk who decided to violate stuff I valued and worked hard to get. It can all be replaced, I realize that. But the more I realize what was in there, the madder I get. There isn't much money in the kitty, so it will be awhile before some items are replaced. I AM eternally thankful to Loni for making me the offer of a lifetime, to Peggy and Michele for putting up with my cranky rear during the trip, to the friends I finally met face-to-face (you folks are wonderful), and to Josh for making it all possible. So I guess the good does outweigh the bad. I just hope my office mates actually did my work while I was gone and I don't return to a pile so high that I'll never recover. Wish me luck!!!

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What a difference a day makes

on November 12, 2007 - 1:02pm

Well, since I work for a military officers association, we always get Veteran's Day off. Since hubby had to work, I seized the opportunity to get some stuff done. Actually walked into the gym since I the work one is too far, did some Costco stuff for work, and actually went through my Christmas stuff. We had this large container we called "the coffin" because you could literally put a body in there, and stored alot of our Christmas stuff in it. When it was in storage, hubby stacked too much on it and it cracked. Since we moved all the crap out of our storage unit, I've put off going through it and putting the stuff in smaller ocntainers. Today I felt inspired (which is generally how I do my housecleaning, gotta be inspired LOL) and went through it and reorganized. Since we are generally out of town for Christmas, we don't really do alot of decorating. Considering this fact, you would be suprised at the amount of sh*t we have!! Well, hubby will be glad I found the time nonetheless. Now I have some time to play Guitar Hero III before he gets home. Woo hoo!!!

Hope everyone had a great day!

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