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Moved on

on January 29, 2008 - 9:12am

What a crazy time last week was! I spent the entire time feeling like I'd been hit with a moody stick. Usually when I get like that, I try to make myself feel better by reading international news sites (the BBC, the Sydney Morning Herald) to metaphorically get away from things for a while and get a sense of perspective. It's often interesting to see what other countries think is important American news and what is not. But that didn't work because our messes and tragedies were all over THOSE sites too! (Thank the gods for Cuteoverload.com. Otherwise there would have literally been no escape.)
But yesterday, I inexplicably got better. I went to work feeling much lighter, like the bad feelings had been drained out of me and the worst was over.
And whenever I open my paper journal, that proves it. I had a business card from the 21 Club marking the page where last Wednesday's entry starts because I ate there last week. Unfortunately it also marked a page where I'd written about sad current events, so I'd had to see that. But yesterday I printed out an Entertainment Weekly interview with Josh, wrote, "You see? Happy stories are back in the news" in the margin, and used it to mark the page where yesterday's entry starts. So now I see something that makes me happy when I open that book.

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Expecto Patronum

on January 26, 2008 - 8:33am

For those of you who don't read Harry Potter, the title may require some explanation. According to Wikipedia, "The Patronus Charm conjures an incarnation of the caster's innermost positive feelings (hope, joy, will to survive)", usually in an animal form significant to the caster, and protects the caster against Dementors (despair-causing creatures).
Reading those scenes, it's natural to think, "If I were that kind of witch, what would my Patronus be?" My fiance thinks his would be a giant alley cat (he loves them). Because of Josh, I'm inclined to think mine would be a songbird. A giant silver songbird to fly between me and my adversary, open its beak, and turn it to dust with that voice. What do you think your Patronus would be?
Believe it or not, I do have a point, I promise. It's been a very crazy week in the home, at the office, and all around me in NYC, and I'd been feeling very low. I KNOW that kind of witch/spell doesn't exist, but at one point it was the only thing I could think of to do. I thought the title incantation, and practically saw the bird behind my closed eyes. It did help for a while.
This morning, it looks like I may have succeeded in summoning its inspiration. I had another Josh dream: I walk through an office door (not the one I work in now). "Josh?" He's standing there in a plaid shirt and jeans. We walk to my desk and start talking with one of my coworkers.

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Why does this matter?

on January 23, 2008 - 10:05am

What a strange day yesterday turned out to be. I was at the office, about to wind down with my work for the day. Then someone gasped, "Heath Ledger died!" That's about when productivity shut down for the day - everybody was checking the news, nobody could believe it.
This is sad news at any time; on the heels of Brad Renfro's death, however, one could easily reach the conclusion that young actors are going extinct.
Which brings me to my title question: why does this matter to me? Why, when there's so much else going on in the world and my life (presidential election, problems in Pakistan and Kenya, work, wedding), should stories like these matter?
I think I can trace it back to my early teens, when one of my favorite things to do was read every teen magazine I could get my hands on (Teen Beat, YM, BB, Seventeen, to name just a few). More often than not, those guys were in those magazines. Eventually I outgrew those magazines, and got too busy to read them anyway. But I still remember this as a fun activity from my youth. To see a figure from that time "something as grown-up and alien and scary as dead" (Bridget Jones) is a sad reminder that everything changes, that everyone has to grow up.
I also realized something else: I do not think the world's attention has been so fixated on NYC since 9/11. I've racked my brain for other events, but nothing stands out as much. I think it'd be best if I stayed out of Soho until spring, to give this time to quiet down. Until then, only two things will get me back there:
1) Josh does a concert at an intimate little venue in that area.
2) Agent Provocateur (favorite lingerie shop) and Vosges (favorite chocolaterie) partner up on a Valentine's Day promotion.

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Wow

on January 22, 2008 - 10:08am

Notice that I added a "w" to the title of this entry; an hour ago it would've just been "ow", as that's all I've been saying today.
One reason I keep a journal is so I can learn from my mistakes. Here's the latest lesson I have learned: DO NOT attempt the 75-minute workout DVD until you can handle the 30-minute one without consequence! It hurt to turn over in bed last night, and every step I took today hurt. Advil didn't help, and I didn't have anything stronger.
...Or did I? As I have mentioned, I don't get my best painkiller from a drugstore; I get it from Bruiser (my iPod, not my dealer). I just played one song ("You Are Loved"), but I feel so much better. I took a walk around the office to make sure it worked, and sure enough, I'm not saying "ow" with every step I take.
And according to this month's issue of Allure, science will back me up on this one. An article on happiness says that music triggers the pleasure center of the brain and creates...wonderful sensations, let's just put it that way.

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Weekend after all

on January 21, 2008 - 9:26am

Well how do you like that! My fiance bought the drinks, and I'd just finished making hors d'oeurves (parmesan crostini and chorizo pigs in blankets). We'd just finished creating the "fake house" - term from Everybody Loves Raymond to describe the house after you've just cleaned it for company. (Fiance used the term while complaining about cleaning, but he has to admit it looks great.) Just as we were about to sit down and wait for his work friends to show up, the guy called. They just found out his wife was pregnant again, and she wasn't feeling well. Then another guy we'd invited said he couldn't come either - family thing.
For a while we just sat there and asked each other, "Well NOW what are we going to do?" The answer turned out to be just sit in our fake house, read the Times (and in my case, attempt the crossword), watch movies, and stuff our faces with the party food.

He's back at work today, but I'm not. So far I've just slept in and started the wedding workout. My office has a program where they let you join a gym at a discount, but it's too hard for me to go with my commute. So I'm doing videos. My sister gave me a "sexy arms" DVD and weights for Christmas (as my gown is strapless, I want to tone up my arms and shoulders), and I found a set of Carmen Electra cardio striptease DVDs on sale. I just tried one of the latter DVDs, and it KICKED MY BUTT. I feel pretty good now, but I know from the workout I did on Saturday that this is gonna hurt in the morning. Have half a mind to spend the rest of the day in the bathtub.

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