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Choices

on October 11, 2008 - 6:09pm

Life gives us many ups and downs. There are so many choices to make in one's lifetime. There are times we make the best choice and other times we regret the choice we made. I'm no exception to that and have many choices in my life that I later regret. I know I've also made some wonderful choices as well.

Thursday night I made a bad choice and it is a choice which would have most likely ended my life. I have been very depressed over things and it seems no matter what I do it's not right, especially at work. I've also had some family issues where certain members have told me they wished my mother had gotten an abortion so I never would have been born. That's hard to hear no matter how old you are.

Well, after a bad day on Thursday, I came home and made a decision. I wrote notes to several people including Josh, Wyatt and some friends on this site. I lined up the three bottles of scotch and whiskey I had along with all the medication the doctor has given me. Pain pills, pills to help me sleep as well as pills for depression. I made a couple of phone calls to some friends and started taking pills and drinking shots of whiskey & scotch. I never felt so relaxed and said this is the easy painless way to go. Next thing I knew, I woke up to bright lights and lots of people. One of my friends said the tone of my voice when I talked to her didn't sound right. So she decided to come over and make sure I was ok. She found me and called 911.

When I woke up I had needles in both arms, all kinds of monitors on me and so many people in the room. Then I started to get sick to my stomach from the medication they gave me. All I can remember is how sore my chest was from the CPR and how much my stomach hurt.

I guess having some extra pounds on me cause the liquor and the pills not to work as fast as the combo would have on a really slim person. After about 8 hrs in the hospital and talking to a million doctors I was allowed to go home under supervision.

Last night I spent the night with my cousin & her kids. We had a long talk & decided I need some professinal help. So this morning, I snuck out of the house before anyone was up and took off to the north country. I went up to Lake Placid and sat by the lake to sort things out. Coming home I drove the back roads and really felt at peace. Of course when I got back to my cousin's house they were all upset. They had called the cops and they were looking for me. The search was called off, I got yelled at by one of the cops for not telling anyone where I was going. I apologized and they all left.

After a couple of more hours of discussions I have decided to turn myself into Four Winds at Saratoga for thirty days to get myself back on track. I'll be admitted tomorrow and hopefully the doctor's can give me a reason to stay alive.

So if no one sees me around here for a while, it's because I'm in a place that allows little or no contact with the outside world for a few weeks.

I intend to keep a journal during treatment since maybe it will help me get my feelings out into the open and let me move on with life.

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I'm back on the boards!!!!

on September 11, 2008 - 3:07pm

Wyatt spent a lot of time today getting me back on the boards. It took several emails back and forth for him to see the problem. He finally got me in and I am so grateful. I see I missed a lot of things but I'm slowly catching up. Thanks to everyone who tried to help and pm'd Wyatt for me. Wyatt is my hero today!!!!!

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Still off of FOJG Forum!!!!!

on September 8, 2008 - 5:38pm

I'm still unable to login to FOJG and so far no one seems to care. It's so unfair. This mess started because of a stalker and I'm the one being punished. I can't get on and my stalker is having fun on the website at my expense. I just don't get it why the problem can't be fixed. It's now 14 days and I haven't heard one word from Wyatt. It's not like him and I can't understand that either. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know. Thanks.

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STILL CAN'T GET ON TO FOJG!!!

on September 4, 2008 - 3:52pm

Still can't get on to FOJG. Haven't heard anything from Wyatt and I don't know what the problem is. I'm getting very frustrated and I just don't understand why there is dead silence from the mods regarding this problem. Get the feeling they've taken my money and I'll never hear from them again.

Please, if someone could let me know if there is any more news on upcoming Josh appearances. Any more information regarding the All Star shirts? The auction?

Thanks.

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UNABLE TO GET ON TO FOJG FORUM!!!

on August 29, 2008 - 9:20pm

I'm really annoyed right now. I asked for some help and I can't get it.

I've been bothered by a stalker on the FOJG Forum for awhile. I thought the person was banned but somehow found their way back onto the site using a different name, location and probably IP address. I finally had enough when the emails, phone calls and PM's started. I blocked the PM's with great success but the emails and phone calls were a different story. I finally had to get the local police involved. When that happened I asked Wyatt for a change of user name, hoping I could be on the forum without being stalked.

Wyatt said sure, asked for my new username and would take care of things. Well, I don't know what happen but since the username was changed I can no longer access the forum. I thought maybe it was something with my home computer but the same thing has happened with the computer at work. All I get is a white page with an "O" in the upper left hand corner. I even took out a new membership with all new information hoping that would solve the problem. Guess what? It didn't. So now I wonder if somehow I have been banned from the site.??????

I can only get as far as the news page and this journal. I can access JG.Com but it's not the same. Since I can't PM Wyatt, I've sent him several emails and have heard nothing. I have put in a support ticket and again heard nothing. It's pissing me off because I paid money to be on this website and now I can't. So it seems I'm being punished for being stalked. Just doesn't seem fair to me.

Hopefully if some people read my journal maybe they can get to Wyatt with PM's for me. I'm not sure how often Wyatt reads his emails but I was hoping he would answer me to one of the three email addresses I gave him.

Thanks for letting me rant. If anything important is happening on the site regarding Josh that's not on the newspage could someone please put a comment in my journal?

Thanks.

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