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Infatuation

Agent009's picture
on July 25, 2010 - 11:52am

"Infatuation is not quite the same thing as love; it's more like love's shady second cousin who's always borrowing money and can't hold down a job." - E. Gilbert

Ms. Gilbert has a point. Love gets a lot of the credit that actually belongs to infatuation....the angsty, dramatic obsessive feeling akin to heroine addiction (so I'm told.)

But Infatuation isn't all evil. In fact, infatuation is the dare that takes us to places we'd never go if we were actually in our right mind. We have thrilling experiences, like skydiving and bungee jumping and roller coasters that make us nauseous. But for all those queasy adventures, when it's over we reminisce nostalgically. Many is the memory of daringly diving into that pool without checking to see if there is water because that 'shady second cousin' taunted us mercilessly. What a thrill, what a rush, what an exciting time it was.

Of course, many of the risks we take during the infatuation-induced haze aren't generally prudent. They don't always turn out the way we had hoped. When that loopy longing starts to fade, some other more logical feelings begin to win over. It is then that we look back at the shoplifting-arrest-probation experiences as not a colorful notation on our life's resume, but instead a big black mark that makes us cringe in regret.

As I think about infatuation, it's only a memory, a recollection from long ago. In fact, I can't remember the last time I was infatuated with anyone. More painfully, I can't remember the last time someone was infatuated with ME. (If there was ever a candidate for nearly-middle-aged Pygmalion, it might be me, but I'm far too set in my ways to let anybody make me over now.)

But I do remember the first time I was infatuated, and what a delicious time it was. Oh to be so stupidly lost in one other person...to be completely incapable of rational thought....to pine and long and anticipate and be just desperate.

I miss it. Infatuation doesn't live here anymore. Instead, I'd like to say that wisdom has taken its place, but I'm afraid it's far more likely that jaded heartache is there instead.

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