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Decisions, Decisions

BethanyHenderson's picture
on July 20, 2010 - 10:04pm

I had this plan. For once I had a plan. Most of the time I flit about aimlessly from one thing to the next in life. I let things fall into my lap and I just think "whatever, I'll do this". After years of working as a nanny, I was going to go back to school in the fall and finish my degree. I sought out an academic advisor at school and took one of those interests tests to help me decide in which direction to go.

Then one day someone came about with this proposition that I take a job as a nanny across the country. All this time I've been saying I need a break from kids I want to go back to school. But there is great appeal in this job being that it's on the East Coast, somewhere I've never been, the pay would be better than what I make now and I'd have a set schedule, weekends off. Problem is my other families that I currently work for are still unaware that I'm considering taking this job. I want to be sure about it, so I'm meeting the family one more time at their home. But it's taking longer than I expected to set up a time to meet them.

I feel guilty enough as it is, like I'm abandoning these children that I love so much and I've been privelaged enough to be part of their lives, and then to say "oh I've decided to nanny for this new family and I'm leaving in a month." Technically I'd be giving them more than two weeks notice, but I just know how scarce good childcare is (so many people find out I'm a nanny and then hit me up to watch their kids) and I just think they will need more time to find a replacement. Then there's my severe emotional attatchment to the kids. I'm having a difficult time saying goodbye. See, I'm a live in nannny right now, but in Septemper my plan was to move out and still take care of the kids part time, but also go back to school.

Then, the other day someone else found me and may possibly want me to nanny for them. They live in the city and just have a 3-month old baby, just one. I got the results of my strong interests test back today and it says I should be an elementary school teacher. I took the same test five years ago, but I never got the results. My advisor was able to find the old test so I saw those results too and both said elementary school teacher. I'm disappointed. Obviously, it's just a test and I can choose a different career, but I was really hoping it would show something unexpected.

So I'm online looking at all of these different careers and I still have to decide about these nanny jobs. I'm going to meet with the families just to say that I did look into these jobs even if I decide not to take them. When I first found out about the job across the country I was so excited and I knew I wanted to do it, but now there's all of these complications! And blah! I'm one big ball of stress as usual.

If you end up reading this long rant I thank you.

Goodnight.

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