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Higher Window

DeeASl3's picture
on June 9, 2011 - 12:23am

My Journey Journal

Three years ago, I lost my job, I lost a man I loved so very much, who was an inspiration to me all my life. IF you read my Profile, you will understand the rest if this doesn't make sense.
Finding a job has been a struggle, yet it has given me the opportunity to make a few video's for the deaf and hearing, an avenue for me to reach out with the gift God gave me. Things weren't too bad while I had unemployment and then I found a little part time job, I was making it.
Then things started turning for the worst. I lost my horses, I couldn't care for them anymore, and I became pennyless.
I moved to San Diego recently to try and find a job and maybe find some work doing my signing to music at clubs, but it didn't work out, no money for gas to get to the clubs of LA I was planning to perfom at.
Soon, I was faced with having to return to Northern California because I ran out of money. A few job possibilities in San Diego, but nothing as of yet.
I'm now broke, back in the very place I was hidden away for so many years thinking I wasn't good enough to finish my project.
I have promised three video's to three artists and Josh is one of them, though he himself might not know that yet. :0) I did send a letter off months ago, but many delays in getting my video finished, Or I should say, your video.
I have most of the footage done for Josh's Video finally, and then I can begin editing. This video for Josh and Warner Brothers is most important to me, but most of all to Josh, I hope it will give him more light to his wonderful gift.
One day I got this big idea in my head..Ha!
I thought, if some how I could bring my project to America's eyes my work would be done. I thought, trying out for America's Got Talent and other shows would help me get there fast. Ha! Again
You see, I'm not young anymore and I don't have years to wait to bring this awareness through my gift. I felt an urgency to complete my project now! So I hit the Big City LA., much disappointment, and of course some of it being my fear to be judged, when I just want to give.
I'm not looking for fame, I'm just looking at a Higher Window to shine light in hearts that need to hear more than just words. A calling inside of me, it's not something I picked to do, it picked me.
Eleven years ago, I went to school, gave up on a career to follow something I didn't even understand for years, yet the drive to continue even when family and friends thought I was going down the wrong path, I pressed on for 8 years none stop, commuting back and forth to the bay area for more school on top of the other college I was attending. Yes, it took it's toll, instead of a 4.0 at the end of college, I ended up with a 3.66 I think, but I did begin to understand why I was doing this, the mystery was unfolding. Then, only to fail, my life story, and no pitty party, it is what it is. Choices we make last a life time. I gave up too easy.
Sooooooooo.. here I am, pennyless, no career, and trying not to give up on this project again. After three years of not landing a full time job, I began to believe a higher window doesn't want me to give up again either.
I can't believe I can't find a job! I mean..I have always been able to find a 9 to 5 job, I have always worked my whole life. I have never been on unemployment until now and it's gone.
If I give up now, again, It would be like giving up on everyone on this planet, especially the people who need my gift.
They say all artists struggle, live on the street if they have to, eat mac & cheese every night or those roman noodles to make their mark in the world. Well, I'm almost there, I still have a roof over my head and able to write this journal, but I don't know what tomorrow holds, only God knows and I have to put all my trust in him or I am defeated.
I've been blessed to have a GYM membership thanks to my sister's husband. For how ever long it lasts, I am working out hard to get in shape for that day, should it come and I am on stage again.
I asked my future Agent, could you please try and get me just one performance with Josh in San Diego at his Straight to You concert, just one song to help me get started. Free, I'll do it free. It isn't about money to me, it's about my project and all the people waiting to see me and the people who don't even know I exist.
Why Josh Groban, you might ask, why not another artist?
The reason, Josh Groban's songs have so much meaning, his passion in each and every song can be mirrored through my hands to those who need to see what they can't hear and for those who can hear, see a song come to life, like a story and some how that story puts a huge impact on the song.
I never realized how much I have touched hearing people with the instrument of the hands and body movement. I realized from comments that what I do is for everyone, to help eveyone receive what they need. Josh delievers to all of us something we need deep within us and that is my purpose to deliver.
My biggest dream is to perform with Josh before I'm too old to. I wish I could go to one of his Straight To You concerts, I'd love to see him live, but most of all the joy to sign one of his songs for him would be amazing.
San Diego or San Francisco would be great as I have no idea if I will be in San Diego at this moment or closer to San Francisco, but I do have family close to both.
Sooo, If I was blessed to perform with Josh, that would be a dream come true, not just for me but for every person that believes in what I'm doing.
So Josh, if you should read this, if I drop off your membership, it's only because I have no money and one day when I'm back on my feet, I'll join again. Your music, I love, your passion, your down to earth nature, and humor has given me so much strength in keeping the faith and most of all, not giving up.
I'm so thankful for finding you through my search for just the right music, just the right lyrics to give back to those in need of a higher window to get through lifes trials.
My Quote for this Journal before I go:
"Treasures are stored in a place no man can See... only felt".

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