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I wish you could see the STARS tonight!

EstherT1's picture
on November 9, 2012 - 11:55pm

Today I made it to church Beth Shalom...We were asked to pray for the President again...As always Christians and Messianic Jews pray over the President. It was then that I realize how much pain I felt to think of all my many prayers that has amounted to nothing more than America in the brink of Perils. Don't get me wrong but I've had many prayer answered...
Except for those of the Prezident's change of heart. He remains unchanged and I felt betrayed.
I was hoping to have a chat with Pastor Miles but I realized he was busy. I couldn't hide the smirk on my face when he said, "We have not prayed like we did with Clinton...God is using Obama and we must pray for him...Amen?! Amen!" He made a public disclosure of it's no about "the policies we strongly feel. God is using him! " I could barely clap and I supposed I wish I could tell him...I've tried many times...it was like teflon so I pray Obm would come down on his knees and repent instead.

Then I realized...there is much I too need to tell the Lord...The pain I've carried when my prayers are not answered. It's about forgiveness...Forgiving the Lord perhaps for not telling me what was bound to happen to NY when He send me away to California. How I feel so far away from the chaos...which yes could happen here too but being spared is different. Could I have done something before it happened.

Forgiving God...I have to forgive God for not telling me all that I want to know...And so I look on the twitter and I don't want anything to escape me. Wanting to know why all these are happening to America...And why not so many people can't see the numerous lies placed upon the population perpetuated by Media and Hollywood. I know I am just a little person...but I need to know what to pray for and to challenge the situation. I asked to be used as a witness...a watchtower...someone who can make them all brave...to speak up and say the truth.

Yes...I failed in finding a person to have as a family. I sit here blogging and writing and doing all kind of stuff that does not affect me personally but it means the world to me. And I see nothing...sometimes I wish there are more signs that people are listening. I used to and now they seem to be all gone and muteness is all I have. So I forgive...Forgive...Forgive...Reach...Reach and reach. Yes...some may call it crazy, stupid and even more stupid...But I just can't stop. I know I am only human and a small one at that... I can't change the world...
And I have to forgive myself for not being able to do so...but I can't stop. I need to cry...I just need to cry...because singing is not enough...11 years and 2 solid years of blogging away...have I done anything?

So tonight I figured...I just need to be honest with the Lord...I'm sorry I'm still not faithful enough to have given it all I got. I'm sorry...I still have a lot of problems to solve at home and I have not done them. I don't seem to make ways with them. Because I worry to much to the world that just seem not to care. I'm sorry that I failed to read people's cues and at times I could careless... I have no interest in joining the fun and games. My creative writing is suppressed by my workload...I'm tired of most music I normally listen to. I can't keep up with the letters and correspondences...I'm sorry I have to discipline to get everything done...including my own errands. I'm sorry I can't read minds...I'm sorry I'm not brave enough to even pursue love.

I settle for trying...trying to do what I can. Trying that is never enough in the end because love is not always there...perhaps it's somewhere hiding in the desert of my worries perhaps.

So determined that I would write about this...a web journal that only Jesus could read. When the world closes their eyes...I'm here awake and still trying.

So I got home...And before I could write...Words fell in my heart and said...." Take a walk outside for a little while. Then look at the sky..." So I did and nothing is unusual...no aliens found...no special package...Just the clear dark night with all the Bright STARS...Then these words came to me..."For when you see the STARS at night...It's when I call them out to thank you..."

So I write these for anyone who may read...Just when you feel as though nothing seems to work just right...The stars come out at night just to thank you...

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