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How do you create a title for life?

harpianoguitar's picture
on January 8, 2010 - 11:29pm

I am going home as soon as possible. It seems i had broken free for a reason and might as well take the route outta here to another place as soon as i can. I was hoping to stay a year but i don't think i will last much longer in a Catholic world to which i don't belong. They've helped me see enough spiritual truths, discussed everything under the sun with me, laughed with me, cried with me, and danced with me...and even partied with me. Religion isn't the answer when u have urself in the end. I can't posutlate things about God that i have no business thinking about. I am not one of those people who is addicted to the internet or stars this one i just wanted to thank a friend for seeing me through to the end. I just remember singing through 1992 until 1999 and that turned into something golden and than i went the religious path for fear my being a famous person would be my doomsday in the end as really that world became a Godless one for me..but than i found myself in a world where i didn't belong and had TOO MUCH GOD so it never turned out to be the right path for me. I sang the strangest song last night with a band it's like going from one life to another and then walking into a University that has no music, no tv shows, or movies. And you feel bare as a tree does in the winter chill...i'm not worried i will get to be alumni i will go back to my normal life after i am set free..but i am the only one who can set myself free. I'd rather not remember reading Socrates, or Plato, or discussing faith to no end....or philosophy because they just end up putting another makeup line of philosophy in the stores...or catching me on camera or the media gets heated up around me...and i left years ago to find a place of peace which i did but it's not good to hide from this life for fear of intellectual freedom. In a way i am proud of myself for getting an elite degree and making the journey and doing well not many performers leave a life of entertainment to just be normal or read books but it's close the book on this part of life..i don't have a title for. I am not sure of the way out of here but i know my feet can do the walking for me. The ocean is the location really for me where i had lived before i wanted all this so there i will i think that Josh was a friend to me through the years i owe him the thank you for the way out..for helping me to see that music was apart of my heart too..but in the end famous people like me don't compare to REAL stars like him with abundant talent and a path like his. I could never sing on his level or be next to him on the worlds stage i don't have that kind of talent and i apologize to him if i compramised his talents to keep singing when i needed to skip the 4 year University path i never should've been on. He cared always, he smiled, he sang he gave it his all..i can't truly thank him or never will be able too...but i can apologize for any misteps i made i am not as good as a singer as just wasn't my destiny or fate like his...since he has "gift" to sing the brighter stages of the world with ease and grace. My singing has it's place with singers and dancers but never to a grand level as his so i bow out all ways here, now and forever. I have never had such a more beautiful and talented friend than him that got me through life..and sang with me for the fun of it..but he shocked me everytime with his talent. Like i do more modeling than singing and i just don't have the gifts he does dare i say an average voice but a heart none the less in music. I wish him a successful career. I may have made the misteps for him...but he knows i am always here as a friend for life in anything i will always remember to love because of him. My only regret is that i could never look him in the eyes...maybe i was scared of what i'd see...i usuall look right at people or through a camera when i see..i think i was afraid to see the love in him...maybe that love would be truth and i would know i took the wrong path and didn't want to disapoint him musically because i knew i would never be able to sing on his level. I know so many singers but never really felt the music could live in people so deep as oceans do but it does. I hear harps, piano's and guitars in my head..i hear music i sing it but i can't like him...i just want to exit this time in my life with a thank you and just to say thanks for caring most of all. In the end i am a better person for singing and being free. And in the end you are better for singing too. We all music people have to stay on that path and not take a step outward. I don't agree with the Catholic point of view that i couldn't go out of the boundries of God to sing. I believe God likes music just as much as i do and the first chance i get to blow this joint this church i will and get back to LIFE. Thank you for your friendship, Josh. I certainly...believe in angels because of you.................:)

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