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Boyfriend trouble...HELP!

jamielovesjosh's picture
on February 7, 2010 - 12:06pm

It's so good to be back on FOJG. A lot has happened in my life that has prevented me from coming to this site as frequently as I used to, although my admiration for Josh is definitely the same, if not more.

This weekend has been rough. My b/f Jeff is out of town (again) and I've been overwhelmed with depression. Not really depression because he's out of town, but because I don't know where I want to go with our relationship. Last weekend he & I got in an enormous fight which led me to break up with him (for the 8th time). The difference between this time and the 7 previous times was that this time I was serious.

I had already found another place to live. Emotionally I had let go of the possibility of a happy future. I'd had enough of the drama and I finally decided that we were going nowhere really fast. My kids didn't want me to continue on with the relationship and my parents were encouraging me to move on.

So by the time he got back in town (after last weekends fight), I had accepted the change and actually felt SO MUCH better knowing that I was moving forward with my life and taking back the control I had of my future.

THEN he came home.

He began making my decision to leave VERY DIFFICULT! He tried to make me feel selfish and guilty for wanting to walk away. He also made it very hard for me to fall asleep because he carried on and on and on by talking, crying, begging and holding me...It was emotionally draining and exhausting! I was very frustrated with him because he wasn't respecting my need for sleep!

With my permission, while I was at work, he and my mom spent several hours talking about our situation. My mom tried to explain my side and he gave his side. I was truly hoping my mom would come out of their talk with a strong feeling of what I should do, but unfortunately she didn't.

It's now Sunday. He's been on the road since Wednesday. He's called me many times, but 99% of the time when I've answered, I've told him I don't feel like talking to him....mostly because all he says is how much he loves me. It aggitates me!

I can't get over our fight, which is not normal for me! I'm usually very quick to forgive and forget. I don't understand why it's so different for me this time. We have SO MANY issues that I don't think we'll ever be able to resolve. They're the EXACT issues we've had from nearly the beginning of our relationship!

Here's a list of some of the big ones:

1. We can't talk about money without getting into a fight.

2. He's ALWAYS right about everything.

3. His feelings and needs are more important than mine.

4. When we fight, he brings up mistakes I've made in the past that I thought were resolved because I had made the necessary changes and committment to not do them again.

5. When we fight, he only sees what I do wrong and NEVER takes responsibility for his contribution to the fight.

6. He puts more time, money and energy into his car than he does in our relationship!

7. Because of his job, as a truck driver, I can't depend on:

A. WHEN HE'LL BE HOME: He's never here when big events happen, good OR bad.
B. HIS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT: It's hard to express my feelings over the phone. A lot of times he doesn't even hear what I say...I know this because of the way he responds. PLUS most of the time the conversation prematurely turns back onto HIM!
C. THE TIME WE SPEND TOGETHER IS VERY UNPREDICTABLE: Half the time when he's home, I'm at work or trying to recover from work.

I NEED to have someone that I can physically & emotionally lean on. I don't want to always wonder WHEN he'll be home or IF he'll be back in time. I'm home alone ALL THE TIME and I HATE IT!!!

THIS IS NOT HOW I WANT THE REST OF MY LIFE TO BE!

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