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My Sister in Law

judymcdermott's picture
on December 17, 2009 - 10:08am

Is pregnant again. She miscarried earlier this year and had to have surgery to remove it because it implanted. I want very much for her and my brother to be parents but its very hard for me. I can't have babies. I'm 38 years old and I have finished Menopause. The chances of my conceiving are less than 1 percent. Its not fair, you know?? Its my job as the eldest daughter to have a husband (yeah right who would marry me????) and a baby to give my mother a grandchild. I have to sit and watch my kid brother do everything I was supposed to do. It HURTS something awful to feel like a useless freak of a human being. No one wants to marry someone like me. I carry a potentially deadly staph infection called Methicillin Resistant Staphlococcus Aureus. I had it two years ago and it nearly ended my life. Now its in my system and won't go away. Who knows why life threw me this curveball but now I have to live with it.
I should be happy. I leave in two days to see my family. But with traveling comes the potential for a MRSA lesion to try to pop up and I have to treat it. Its very upsetting to see my mother's face if she sees me pull out the skin cleaner I need to treat the lesions when I see them about to pop.
It sucks when life throws curveballs.
Sorry for ranting like this.