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Hmm...

dramaticparrot's picture
on December 13, 2009 - 9:01pm

I watched my dog crawl under my parents bed today. She tried smooshing her fat little body as gracefully as she could under the metal bars...I can't tell you how much I envied her. Sometimes I wish that I could crawl under the bed. I wish I could fit my fat little body under it, and just hide. Let the bedskirt hide your my existence.

Things were supposed to turn out to be a blessing. But they turn out to be one major test and you feel like you are failing...

Like something, a problem, comes right before you and you stare at it, and you HAVE to choose the right answer or you will suffer the consequences. I had that feeling last year, its almost that decision's aniversary. It seems my decision for that problem, that life changing detail, is still a "F". I feel like I truly failed. I was supposed to be the best. But I wasnt. I imagined that this predicament would be something totally different, no it turned out to be the complete opposite.

Do you ever get that feeling?
I get that feeling...

"You reap what you sow," that's what they say. Well its in the Bible, and then everyone else who doesnt even glance at the Bible knows that message. So it must be true. I think it is, because it sure seems like it. I dont believe in Karma, but I do believe in reaping what you sow. I dont think I reaped a good seed. Instead I planted a seed with hatred and non-acceptance.

Sometimes I think I have a rock heart, and I want, and pray that it melts.

That problem has lasted for one year and now it seems like it is about to end. It wasnt just me who had to make this decision it was also my parents. Possibly, I think we all failed. And it only made the problem last for this long. Now my parents and I live in fear for the outcome. We fear for what is about to become of this situation, because it will no longer be our...problem. But I still feel responsible for it. Yes, I feel like I have been being punished...but I know I deserve it...

I saw a shooting star tonight for the first time in all of my 19 years on this world. It truly is a miracle I swear. I could only stare at the sky and thank God for His miracle. Then something reminded me, make a wish.

I wished for love...

Just venting, sorry guys, felt like I had to get that out. It was bothering me. Hope you all get to see the awesome meteor shower tonight!

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