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Being a blogger is a hazard (The Grobanite version)

according2marie's picture
on July 13, 2013 - 7:32pm

So I can't really work a regular job right now since Fibromyalgia robs me of energy between the physical pain and exhaustion but it doesn't mean I don't sit around feeling sorry for myself.

In August of last year, I decided to start a blog. I've been toying with the idea for a while since sadly I couldn't get myself out there as a writer any other way. The other day, I'm posting a blog about the whole mess with Abercrombie & Fitch and I just published it. I then went into the "Dashboard" and started looking at some articles I wrote and I noticed that I wrote two things about the song Brave. I started reading them and I still can't believe that I could think that deeply.

Basically in one I say about how the song is an empowering anthem of sorts and I tied it into things I went through with being a person with a disabling condition. In another which I wrote probably a week or two after the shooting at an elementary school in Connecticut, I say how the song is pretty much a message of hope.

I started thinking and I was like, "You know, I'm still right." Why? Well, it has a lot to do with my life right now. As some may know, my mom was diagnosed with thyroid cancer this June. What very few people know is I also had other things happen that impacted me.

Around the time my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I had a friend who was diagnosed with lung cancer. When they found it, they also found a small tumor in his brain. His outlook is good and he's fighting it with everything he's got. In fact, I just saw him the other day coming out of a Wawa (it's kinda like 7-11 but mostly in the Philadelphia area) and he looked great.

Also I have an aunt who last year was diagnosed with cancer of the stomach. She had surgery and they thought they got it out and she was going to be okay. She finished her chemo and they said she was cancer-free earlier this year. Well, just a couple weeks ago, we found out that it looks like the cancer is back. I talk to her daughter a lot (we grew up together, so that's why) and she says the stress is with her mom's issues is driving her nuts but she's somehow getting through it.

When I started thinking about these things while reading these old blog entries, I couldn't help but think that this is probably one of the most empowering songs. I hate to say it, but it's probably more inspiring than You Raise Me Up (sorry old school, Grobanites).

Why is that? Well, I think that's up to us to figure out on our own but for me, it's just saying that yeah life sucks but you can get through it. I keep thinking of the lyric "You can't hide forever from the thunder" as an example of that.

For someone like me who was a bullying and emotional abuse survivor as well as someone living with what could be classified as a disability, that's why I thought at first of that theme. Most people are shocked at my age (35 at the time of this writing) because I look young but when they hear about the stuff I went through, they are even more shocked because it was a lot for my somewhat young life.

It's why I find this as inspiring. And now with everything that has happened to my mom, my aunt, and my friend, it takes on a new meaning. For that I think of the lyric after "You can't hide forever from the thunder" which says "look into the storm and feel the rain." Well, they're really looking into that storm and feeling the rain, that's for sure.

Recently I told my mom I often wondered why did she end up with cancer when she didn't do anything to deserve it. Yeah, I'm talking about that "Why does bad things happen to good people" thing. Well, my mom was like, "It'll make me stronger." Anyone else think that sounds like a certain song?

Empowering songs inspire you in so many ways. I was recently creating an idea for a tattoo. It was a bit of a tribute to my mom who has thyroid cancer. I was thinking a butterfly since it not only symbolizes hope in many cultures but if you look at the thyroid, it's shaped like a butterfly. I then found the colors for thyroid cancer awareness which are pink, teal, and blue.

I found a line art that was of a butterfly on the Internet and with a little Gimp magic, I was able to make the colors match. I then thought back to the blog I wrote about Brave and was going to put the lyrics "You can't hide forever from the thunder." It was also a salvaged idea from my original butterfly tattoo idea which was having the butterfly in the color purple for Fibromyalgia which I was diagnosed with in April 2012.

On June 8, I went to a tattoo shop near my home and showed the idea to the owner who was going to do my tat. He asked me to e-mail it to him since it was on my phone and he wanted to see it bigger. I did that and we looked at it on paper. I gave him an idea of the size because I have a tattoo on my left shoulder of a shamrock. He then looked at the writing and was like, "That's not going to work because of the size of the butterfly." He and I were then talking because he was helping me find an idea for what to put instead of that lyric. I then told him what song it was from and why I was getting the tattoo (because of my mom) so he and I came up with the idea just to use one word: Brave.

Guess sometimes the best inspiration happens in a tattoo shop. And for those who want to see the end product, my sister helped me take a photo of it (I posted the photo below).

This post is dedicated to my mom & all those people in the world, especially Grobanites, who are dealing with any form of cancer. You are all my reason to be brave. ;)

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