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This Past year with Josh

MaryAwake's picture
on September 29, 2010 - 2:37am

This past year has been one helluva ride for me and my family. A year ago yesterday, my brother and his wife split up after 22 years together and 15 years of marriage....7 months ago we lost him to suicide, unable to cope with the loss of his marriage. Still find it hard to believe he is no longer here, he was just 41 yrs old!! Miss him so much, still expect him to walk through door asking if the kettle is on...and why not??
Thanks to my Sister in Law we have also lost touch with my Neice and Nephew...u could count on one hand the number of times we have spoken to her in the last few months. She told him she didnt love him, fair enough, ppl fall out of love, but then she told him she had never loved him...which, to him, made a mockery of their lives together and of their childrens lives...he couldnt cope with all this. He went for counselling etc...he tried everything to help him to cope, but in the end he just couldnt do it anymore with he hanged himself from the attic door of their house...havent been able to go to house since. She moved back in with my neice 3 weeks nephew only moved back in couple months ago...I would not have been able to do that...:(
Couple of months ago, I nearly split with my HOG...mainly because of his drinking...and the way he just takes me completely for granted...and because of the way he treats our daughter. She is nearly 19 and we have never had a minute's trouble with her, dont get me wrong, she is typical teenager, but she is good kid...altho not really kid anymore, and therein lies the prob, he still sees her as child, and treats her accordingly...
Told him to leave till he decided to change his drinking habits and starts to treat me and her properly...told him all I want is to have *normal family life* that too much to want??
He came back few days later after we talked and things are little better, still bit strained, but we are working on it...also have other stuff going on outside of all this, but wont go into that here...:(
I know I went on a bit and for that I apologise, but the point of all this is, that without Josh in my life and his beautiful music in my ear all the time, I just couldnt have coped. That mite sound dramatic to a lot of ppl but I know that all of u out there know just what I mean..?? He helped me through my brother's suicide, HOG not good at all the *huggy, touchey, feeley stuff*...his words...but knowing that Josh was there on my iPod/computer at the end of the day...meant so much to me. In my room I could put in my headphones and block out the whole world...and emerse myself in his beautiful voice, it just like getting a warm, loving felt so good.:):) I still do that, and when I do, it's as if it just me and Josh, no one else exists...:)
So thank u Josh for all u have done for me and given to me in the short time I have known u and ur music...I hope our journey together lasts a very long time. I know u will be there for me, through ur music, no matter what this life throws at me, and for that I will always be thankful..<3

<3 Mary

PS...How could I possible have forgotten all the special friends I have made since joining FOJG, again because of Josh...u have been there for me through all this, and I am grateful to all of u as well...U KNOW WHO U ARE :):):)

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