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melissadawn1031's picture
on August 12, 2010 - 9:37am

Dear Josh,
Back on campus now for a week or two. I have 2 roommates moving in today. I am very nervous and I really want them to like me. I am trying to seem very normal, but I am mentioning that I am a bit weird. I have met Molly's parents but I haven't gotten to meet them yet. I pray we will have a great time living here, and that there will be no problems. They seem very together and I hope they will rub off on me. It seems sports keeps them organized and disciplined. Perhaps I should play club sports. I don't know exactly what I could play, but maybe after I write to you I will see which sports I might could sign up for. Music time this morning was very strange again. It feels as if too many probes are present in my body. You aren't here Josh, and someone really scarey and really bossy, and really punishment oriented has been around. It has been really scarey. I don't like life without you, but what else is new. Why aren't you here yet. Why. Why do you want my life to be so difficult. All you'd have to do is show up and i would be fine. Why can't I talk to you alone. Never mind, my own typing won't agree with me. I must go. Apparently I am to be surrounded by people who pick on me, rather than you, who I think would appreciate me for a weird, yet nice person. I miss thinking about you, but I have to go be with real people. Why do you think Mary Beth didint' return my call or my texts? I ran into, her, I hope she wasn't trying to avoid me. It is overwhelming lately, I am really trying to have everyone like me either way, but Ia am afraid that my accent is going to allow some people to not befriend me anymore, or worse, assume things that aren't true. Some of the voices want me to dramatize my story and make people believe things that aren't true. I don't like to tell people lies. I don't want to be someone I'm not. I just want people to like me for me. I hope most people will just realize that they never talked to me very much and I just had an accent no one noticed. They tried to make me believe you cheated on me. They took off my rings and I had a nervous breakdown. Those were my rings. I liked them on the way they were. There is no way to call you, there is no way to know if your around, and I just try to perservere until I do get to see you. They want me not to believe I ever will, but I know I will. I know it. I wish these voices would leave me alone. I have been praying for them to go away, for God to heal me, but I can't seem to get Him to fix me. I just hope I will be liked and befriended. Something good has to happen. Last year went poorly, this semester at college has to go better. And soon, your new cd :) I can't wait. What new excitement, and maybe I'll get to see you in concert this time. I sure hope you come to Georgia. I sure hope. I would love to get your autograph and meet you face to face. I will hope for that. I've got to go see about club sports. Something has to come into my schedule to keep me disciplined. I need to do well. I wish you were here. I love you, I hope your days are going well and happy. Take care.

Melissa Chalmers

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