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One big rut

MJKC9397's picture
on March 29, 2010 - 9:52pm

I am not a pessimist by nature. I was brought up to see the bright side of things. So when I get "in a funk" like this, it really bugs me. It really stinks to know there are so many people in the world in much worse situations and I feel like this!

It seems that I have no creativity lately. Nada. Nothing popping into my head. No bright ideas. The lights are off and nobody's home. It seems like I'm a hampster on a wheel: up, get ready, have a Bible study and say my prayers, get kids up & ready, take kids to school, come home and eat breakfast with Carson, do laundry, go get Cassidy from preschool, fix lunch & eat with Cassidy & Carson, do dishes and more laundry, go get Riley & Kara from school, come home & fix supper, sign a bunch of test papers and homework, put everyone--including Craig--to bed, do more laundry and just sit, waiting for my bedtime.....while battling that lack of creativity and insomnia. Bo-ring. Normally, I am able to throw some things for me (hobbies, exercise, etc.) in all that routine and I love my life. I do love my husband and my kids. I would not trade this life for anything. I just wish my "me stuff" would snap back! I don't feel depressed, although there are things that make me sad--like the passing of my grandfather a couple of weeks ago; missing a friend who is in Germany right now and hasn't seen fit to communicate with us since he went there 6 months ago; and missing some extended family members who don't believe we're worthy of a relationship with them anymore. I did get very discouraged a couple of weeks ago, too, that I had been working so hard with Weight Watchers to get my "baby weight" off. I was doing everything right and was doing great. I got within 6 pounds of my goal and then started gaining. Now, I'm back up to 14 pounds from my goal---and the only explanation is thyroid trouble again. And I'm not supposed to have my levels checked for another 4 1/2 months. I do go for a regular check-up Thursday, so I'm going to see if I can get some help. I fear there may be something else wrong, although I have no idea what it could be.

Anyway, I'm just rambling. I don't really have anyone to vent to at this hour. Oh--yeah--and I was burned a bit by a "close" friend the other day. I was venting to her about my husband being "thrown under the bus" by his company, and something I said, she took offense to and said I hurt her feelings. NOTHING I said had ANYTHING to do with ANYONE exept Craig & I and our family. I was worried and upset. How in the world she could have taken anything I said personally, I'll never know. I apologized anyway, because I wouldn't ever want to hurt anyone. But now, I can't even be myself when we talk. And we talk several times a day. I have tried to talk to her about it, but can't seem to get anywhere. She just changes the subject.

I need to try to go get some sleep. Hope everyone has a good week and that maybe some sunshine will snap me out of this mood!


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