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Why me and not Josh

robinrn6's picture
on February 11, 2012 - 3:21am

Why do I always feel as if I am pushing a 500lb rock up a mountain.

Why does it always have to hurt so much.
Why does love ALWAYS COME TO AN END.

I have tried so hard to please everyone I loved by becoming whatever they needed me to be, that I lost myself along the road.
Wow, a very long run on sentence.

At least my neurons are functioning.

''Such a smart girl should be doing well in her classes",
I, heard the shrink tell my mom. " She has always been an underachiever". This from mom. With no siblings to compare me with (ONLY CHILD SYNDROME} She believed in the power of Dr's

Shrink: "So tell me Robin, why you want to go so far from home to work on a farm?" Me: I love animals and nature." Shrink: "Your mother is very worried about you. She feels that you were raised to per sue a life of dance." Me: "I loved ballet when I was 6 years old, but after 6 years, at the age of 12, it had been decided that I was much to short to be a Prima ballerina. Besides, I was 12 and would rather spend my free time with my friends. "Your going to get fat" "mom, please listen to me'' I watched her walk out, knowing how angrey she was. Suddenly I was afraid. Remembering.

Sat up all night with my Golden Retriever, Maggie May. She is dying from a cancerous tumor in her heart. Her breathing is rapid and labored and I am so scared. 10 years of unconditional love from this budda spirit. My companion and service dog who loves everyone. She refuses to leave my side.
She is the daughter I always dreamed of having and I love her more than everyone but my sons. How can I kill her. I want her to die a natural death in my arms at home. Not being stuck with needles on a hard cold sterile table. Cannot cry. Must stay awake. Listening to Josh makes it even harder not to cry.

----------------- To be Continued--------------------------------------------
________________WORK IN PROGRESS______________

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