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straightarrow372's picture
on November 15, 2010 - 6:41pm

I went to GMA to see Josh. I opened each of the 4 videos in a separate tab. Then my browser froze and I heard all four videos at once, but couldn't open any of them to see or pause them. Auggh. Finally, had to reopen each separately and watch all the commercials again. Sigh.

Tariqh is there, but Lucia is not. Is she really gone for good? Makes me sad. Her playing is just so exquisite. I've never heard anything like it.

As a scientist, I am finding "Gallileo" a bit offensive. It seems to find odd that a scientist might fall in love, as if somehow scientists are not people. Society is not very nice to or accepting of scientists. People are jealous of us or something, because we can do things they cannot. This song just seems like an additional piece of hostility.

When I was in high school, I was an exchange student in Europe. Later, after I returned, my European host father killed himself. At one point I got training and became a volunteer on a suicide prevention hotline. I learned that casual remarks about suicide are very dangerous warning signs. Like my host father used to say he would never live to be old. That was a warning, but I did not recognize it at the time. When Josh sings "I can't live without you and I won't" at the end of a song, that sounds like a suicidal remark to me. That scares me.

I've remarked before that this relationship I have with Josh is one that's odd. He contacts me via twitter and now via my desktop every day. This gves me the impression that I am in contact with him, that he is a friend. I frequently tweet back or journal here, but in fact there is no real communication.

If he were really a friend I would be asking him about this. I would want to let him know that I was concerned. I would want to make sure that whatever that was about is really gone now. But I can't. I can't know. I can't talk to him. I can't look in his eyes and judge his response as to whether he's really being truthful about whether he's ok. I'm sure he's ok today. The album is being warmly received. That's got to be good. But does that mean that a few days from now he'll be ok? Does that mean that the casual remarks, like the one my host father used to make, aren't still reflecting some deep distress hidden beneath? Can't know. Wish I could know.

It was all the more worrisome seeing him drinking wine on stage at the Shubert. So many great performers have been desperately unhappy, despite their success, and have died of addiction. I can't imagine that any voice specialist would advise drinking alcohol during a vocal performance. He tweets frequently about alcohol, mentions it frequently during interviews. He seems obsessed with it. And then it gets to the point where he feels he needs to bring it on stage. This combined with the suicidal sounding remark worries me.

Oh, he makes a great point of smiling, being funny, being the comedian -- but is he like Pagliacci? (sp?)

Nothing I can do about it. No point in worrying about that which I am powerless over -- and yet still I do.

I still can't find a copy of Josh's recent appearance of Nevermind the Buzzcocks on the Internet. I wish i could figure out how to get it.

Generally, I am loving "Illuminations." I do find that the songs are much more similar to each other than on previous albums, where there were more interesting background sounds rather than just orchestra, and I miss the variety some, but I'm still enjoying it. I'm enjoying hearing Josh get back a bit closer to the style of his first album, also.

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