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working @ the shop

tasiax's picture
on January 7, 2010 - 11:52am

well I am working, at least sort of although the only pay I am getting is being warm. so I guess that is some sort of compensation considering the other option. My father in law owns a small engine shop on his farm they do mainly snowmobiles this time of year. all I can really do is answer phones because they are not always very organized so selling and finding things on my own if I get customers is not possible. both guys are gone. hubby is working today and father in law went to a funereal but should be back soon. the shop is quiet but nice and warm since the door isn't opening and closing all the time. Middle of the week I guess they don't get a lot of buisness. I tried filing for him a little but ran out of file folders. it looks a little better so I feel like I have accomplished something. The last few days have been rough. Monday I spend the day worried there was something wrong with my heart. My dad died of a heart condition and mom is always worried about her cholesterol. I am not is wonderful shap so I got a little nervous when I could hear my heart so clearly. it sounded loud and the house was quiet and once again I was alone. I couldn't sleep at all that night and the next day I went to the clinic. The dr scolded me bacause he said I should have come in the previous day. so they could monitor me. they did however put me on high blood pressure meds. I feel a little better although if all is quiet and I think about it I can still hear my heart beating... so maybe that just means my ears are stonger... ha ha. A friend is rather negative about things and I guess I have picked up on some of it from her. I have this fear of dying lately that hearing my heart just makes it worse. I know my faith is weaker than it should be so I am working on that with prayer and talking to my mom. I am not afraid of pain with death but I feel I have so much to do before that time comes or that I haven't made an impact on the people in my life that they will forget me when I am gone. I know the phrase to helps some people is "Life goes on" and that is what bothers me. I see how people adjust to the death of a loved one or it is just a blurb on the news or footnote in the paper. We live such wonderful lives and feel we are loved and happy only to have our lives limited to a small footnote in history or in someones journals. I know I can't be everything to everybody but I guess I can try to be important to some one for a while. I think that is all any of us have. (unless your famous or infamous I guess then you get several months worth of news coverage) well I feel a little better so I guess my goal has been accomplished for now. have a good day and be important to someone or something.

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