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Quite a year for me

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  • Quite a year for me

    I am hoping that 2017 will be kinder to us all than 2016 was. It is with a sad and heavy heart that I mourn the passing of Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher) yesterday 12-27-2016 and her mom Debbie Reynolds today 12-28-2016. While I didn't know much about Debbie other than her "Tammy" song, I grew up with Princess Leia. I was her for Halloween a lot, even wore my hair like her in one school picture and as Halloween the same day. She was someone I looked up to and she shined just as bright in Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

    I made a pic where I put my face on her head with an app called "Face In Hole" where Han Solo was hugging me, but I did it bc I have always loved Han ever since age 6 and the 3 of them were my "friends" all my life also Qui-Gon Jinn. But in making the pic of me w/ Han, I meant no ill-will to her, what that was was I wanted to BE her, I wanted to be WITH Han but had I ever met her she'd be my friend too, the "big sister I never had (my mom's oldest kid does not count she never liked me and made me know it big time). I hope she knows now that in putting me on her head, it was my tribute or my way of saying I wish I was her or had her spirit. I SURE didn't want her to leave us.

    I didn't have a very good childhood due to birth defects, CP, epilepsy, Asperger's Syndrome Disorder and other stuff. No one in my family ever accepted me except my mom and her mom and I was institutionalized at age 8 to 10 and it was total he** on Earth, made Tattooine and Jakku look like Disneyland as far as abuse and the garbage those teachers told me and did to me.

    2 of 3 grandparents considered me worthless, most every one of the men in the family were basically verbally and emotionally abusive, just about every single adult and authority/support figure turned on me and made me feel like a dog with a shock collar on (and even my mom at times has done that) so, as a result, I made Luke, Han and Leia, Qui-Gon Jinn later (as well as Michael Jackson and Josh Groban) my friends, I think they came to me, i see/hear them (guys are all made of Zanny and all have Jedi powers) bc they knew I needed them. I looked up to Princess Leia as a "Don't mess with me or I'll blast ya!" kind of figure and wished I could be as strong as her. But I was so beaten down all my life that that never happened. It was not fun and even now I am still considered worthless by much of my family, but the worst offender died a few years ago, and I was not sorry to see him go. I basically had to make my own way and never had many friends in school unless they wanted to use me for some reason or I had something they wanted or could steal. Even my mother's oldest kid, which I do not claim (same mother idfferent father) bc she never treated me like anything other than a dog with a shock-collar on either and her husband is a royal no-good, he watched me dress in the bathroom through a key-hole until I cured that by covering the hole, and he turned abusive and mean the same as any other family member. Henceforth why the "magical" and Zanny people I see and hear and love came to me,Hercules with his strength, Frodo with his magic ring that he took all the corrupted stuff out of, Qui-Gon, her, Han and Luke with blaster and lightsaber in hand, Michael and Josh with powers of song and other magic that Luke passed onto them, and everyone able to vaporize bad guys, teleport, read minds, fly, heal with the Force and get made out of Zanny I had and have people who are on MY side for once and don't see people as worthless or throw-aways.

    So it hit me pretty powerfully and this whole year we lost a lot of celebrities and famous figures who will never be replaced. I can't help but ssy quite honestly that I'm scared for the ones in my world I have left and pray they don't come after Josh!!

    On a brighter note, I have lost almost 20 lbs and got lots of BB-9 things for Christmas which softened the blows a little. I still want a Zanny BB-8 and I am still trying to see Josh if he ever tours Oregon again. I am trying to renew FOJG so I don't miss any contests, too.

    I hope everyone had a merry Christmas, HAVE a Happy New Year and a WAY more gentler 2017! May The Force Be With Us All!!

Siena Jackson's picture
on December 29, 2016 - 12:22am

I am hoping that 2017 will be kinder to us all than 2016 was. It is with a sad and heavy heart that I mourn the passing of Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher) yesterday 12-27-2016 and her mom Debbie Reynolds today 12-28-2016. While I didn't know much about Debbie other than her "Tammy" song, I grew up with Princess Leia. I was her for Halloween a lot, even wore my hair like her in one school picture and as Halloween the same day. She was someone I looked up to and she shined just as bright in Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

I made a pic where I put my face on her head with an app called "Face In Hole" where Han Solo was hugging me, but I did it bc I have always loved Han ever since age 6 and the 3 of them were my "friends" all my life also Qui-Gon Jinn. But in making the pic of me w/ Han, I meant no ill-will to her, what that was was I wanted to BE her, I wanted to be WITH Han but had I ever met her she'd be my friend too, the "big sister I never had (my mom's oldest kid does not count she never liked me and made me know it big time). I hope she knows now that in putting me on her head, it was my tribute or my way of saying I wish I was her or had her spirit. I SURE didn't want her to leave us.

I didn't have a very good childhood due to birth defects, CP, epilepsy, Asperger's Syndrome Disorder and other stuff. No one in my family ever accepted me except my mom and her mom and I was institutionalized at age 8 to 10 and it was total he** on Earth, made Tattooine and Jakku look like Disneyland as far as abuse and the garbage those teachers told me and did to me.

2 of 3 grandparents considered me worthless, most every one of the men in the family were basically verbally and emotionally abusive, just about every single adult and authority/support figure turned on me and made me feel like a dog with a shock collar on (and even my mom at times has done that) so, as a result, I made Luke, Han and Leia, Qui-Gon Jinn later (as well as Michael Jackson and Josh Groban) my friends, I think they came to me, i see/hear them (guys are all made of Zanny and all have Jedi powers) bc they knew I needed them. I looked up to Princess Leia as a "Don't mess with me or I'll blast ya!" kind of figure and wished I could be as strong as her. But I was so beaten down all my life that that never happened. It was not fun and even now I am still considered worthless by much of my family, but the worst offender died a few years ago, and I was not sorry to see him go. I basically had to make my own way and never had many friends in school unless they wanted to use me for some reason or I had something they wanted or could steal. Even my mother's oldest kid, which I do not claim (same mother idfferent father) bc she never treated me like anything other than a dog with a shock-collar on either and her husband is a royal no-good, he watched me dress in the bathroom through a key-hole until I cured that by covering the hole, and he turned abusive and mean the same as any other family member. Henceforth why the "magical" and Zanny people I see and hear and love came to me,Hercules with his strength, Frodo with his magic ring that he took all the corrupted stuff out of, Qui-Gon, her, Han and Luke with blaster and lightsaber in hand, Michael and Josh with powers of song and other magic that Luke passed onto them, and everyone able to vaporize bad guys, teleport, read minds, fly, heal with the Force and get made out of Zanny I had and have people who are on MY side for once and don't see people as worthless or throw-aways.

So it hit me pretty powerfully and this whole year we lost a lot of celebrities and famous figures who will never be replaced. I can't help but ssy quite honestly that I'm scared for the ones in my world I have left and pray they don't come after Josh!!

On a brighter note, I have lost almost 20 lbs and got lots of BB-9 things for Christmas which softened the blows a little. I still want a Zanny BB-8 and I am still trying to see Josh if he ever tours Oregon again. I am trying to renew FOJG so I don't miss any contests, too.

I hope everyone had a merry Christmas, HAVE a Happy New Year and a WAY more gentler 2017! May The Force Be With Us All!!

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