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senioritis depression

vijaykumar's picture
on August 21, 2006 - 8:27am

i woke up this morning and my mother had already planned our day. she had written the plans out on a piece of paper, all including things we needed to get to redo the bedroom. outlet covers and things. usually this would never phase me, it would just be another outing with my mom, because we are quite close. but i woke up and my day was planned. i felt so unprepared for it emotionally, physically, mentally. i have no clean clothes to wear out. i feel depressed and ugly today, just not ready to face the world. so i stayed home to let mom run errands by herself and now i feel guilty and lazy, but at the same time i felt so mad at her. she keeps doing all these things to help me become more independant since senior year is approaching. sending me to run errands by myself. scolding me for not being decisive. holding back some of her usual unconditional affection. i feel mad at her, because im not used to this coldness, and i feel i am in no hurry to grow up, or to start acting like a senior, because i want to stay attatched to my family. ive been weepy and blubbery all morning under this crushing feeling of self loathing.
music is my only escape from this frustration. my only comfort. i wish i could just jump into it and let it envelop me, saturate every inch of me with joy. i luv u josh, grobies. peace and love.

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