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A tear is ever so near

jlbrown3711's picture
on November 15, 2006 - 7:28pm

I don't know if it is just over tiredness, but I feel so sad at the moment. I tell you why. I was told several times that Josh would not pose for pics...yet, people had some taken with him. I admit, I am Jealous. I shouldn't be, but I am. All I really want is for someone to take a pic of me with Josh..... I feel like I have been shafted a few times. Don't ge me wrong, I am happy for those who get theirs, but I would like one too. Just to have a picture of an event that means alot would really make my life time. I guess what got started this feeling was I saw on one photographers site that they had a picture of the girl in front of me in Los Angeles. Sure, she was first, but I actually got there before she did. I don't want to sound un greatful, or greedy, or even bad for anyone. She deserves it. I admit I want those kinds of things to happen to me. Doesen't everyone want to feel special like that? I just feel like I missed out on something. It would so mean alot to be able to look at a picture and see me with Josh standing there, or sitting, I am not too pickey. LOL.... AM I wrong for feeling that? I could seriously cry at the moment. I probably will later. How do I let go of this negative feeling? I hate the feeling of being Jealous, it really consumes me and I never get anything accomplished. I know, someday my pic will come right? I keep telling myself that, wondering if I really believe that. I am trying so hard to keep myself positive, but I feel like I am failing.I have noticed it is easier to be positive towards others than it is for my own self. I will say this, I am proud of myself for handiling my nerves last night. I am not one for starting conversations to well with people I don't know, I am a bit shy that way. Lets face it, I don't know Josh. I know who he is, but not him. I did say how I felt about his music to him. That is a positive thing for me. But just a picture.......Oh, that would be a dream. I came so close, but obviously not close enough. What bothers me the most about it, I was told not to ask for pictures, that he wasn't going to pose for them. So, I didn't ask.....I was trying to follow the rules like I was suppose to. Just thinking about it is really making me sad. It must be the over tiredness. I tend to get emotional when have had hardly any sleep. But it does break my heart.

On the good side, I am going to two Josh concerts this year. That is cool. I was frustrated as the presale this morning went haywire. I thought I would never get in. I cried hard because I thought I was gonna miss out again. But luckily, an angel took care of that, and got through. Not front row, but I should still see ok. I bet I won't be able to bring my camera.. what do you think the chances of that are? *sigh* Now I really want to cry........

Spouse is out of town tonight, so I have the kids all to myself....... what a time for that.......can I sleep now? Please? Someone send me a hug please? I so need one. I am feeling sorry for myself, and don't know how to stop. Kick my butt in gear would ya? Is it ok to feel sorry for self?

Anyway, just had to post my thoughts at the moment. Had to vent my frustrations. I know it is my second post today, but love to blog remember? Hugs to all my friends. Come chat with me, I could use a friend at the moment. Wheres my angel now? I so need some good Karma!

Love to all....... you are special, you are loved...... I know ...... Don't give up.Easier said then done.........

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