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Not feeling myself

jlbrown3711's picture
on February 13, 2007 - 10:06am

Finally dropped son off at preschool and now I got some time to put down a thought or two. Although I am sitting here at my desk trying to put my thoughts together on what I want to say but every time I start I go blank, or my feelings get in the way causing me to erase every thing I just typed. I just can't seem to get the words out of my head the way I want them to. I have to admit, I am feeling a bit sad these days as I cannot help but feel a bit lonely around the most romantic holiday there is. I may be married, but my marriage is no where near anything romantic. I suppose I should at least look forward to telling all my great friends how loved they really are, but for some reason I just don't have the heart for anything at the moment. I went on FOJG this morning to discover a special message and video from Josh on the site.I thought, cool, maybe that might pick me up. I tried to open it, but my computer wouldn't. I was pretty frustrated because once again I thought I was gonna miss out on it. But like the true friends they are, someone sent me a link that worked. So I sat there listening and watching February Song, and just cried my heart out. Maybe it was still all the frustration of trying to open it, or maybe it was just how I have been feeling lately, but the song was just too much for me today. Josh's message was better however, as it did make me laugh. His humor always cracks me up. What a goober he is! LOL.Believe me, I can spot a goober when I see them...... ehem! *holds up mirror*

I know tomorrow is valentines day, but I seriously dread it. I just wish it would go away all together. I know, it sounds bad. I am just having one of those moments when I just want to scream at the world. I am tired of hearing about all the gushy love. Oh gee, I sound resentful now. Sorry.I don't mean to. It is a beautiful day to share your heart with someone. I guess I am just feeling bad because I have forgotten what it is like to feel that. It is painful when relationships lose the passion, lose the love, or just lose any excitement. How does one move past that? In a few days things will get better and probably be back to my old goofy self. So nobody worry about me, I am ok.Sometimes we have to feel all the pain to get to the joys. My friends at FOJG will probably wonder what happen to there queen poster. I just not in the mood to deal with all that I love Josh business. Even that is too much for me. I guess there is always Barney....ah, never mind. I just wish I could stop crying today. I am going through too many boxes of Kleenex.........make it stop!

Well, that is all I have to say at the moment. My emotions are quite strong today and wouldn't be much fun to talk to. I hope every one has a great day and does something special for that loved one in their life. If ya don't have a loved one, then do something nice for your friends. Although I do consider loved ones and friends in the same category. Or just do something nice for yourself.

Love and hugs to all


"Don't give up

It's just the hurt that you hide

When your lost inside

I'll be there to find you

Don't give up

Because you want to burn bright

if darkness blinds you

I will shine to guide you".........Josh Groban/you are loved


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