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A sleepy evening

jlbrown3711's picture
on March 15, 2007 - 5:24pm

Oh, it is a beautiful evening, but I am so tired to enjoy it. I think the stress of my life has finally caught up to me. Maybe I am just catching what my daughter Sarah had a earlier this week. Either way, I am feeling really exhausted and not very well. I guess the exhaustion is pretty normal considering I feel like I have taken on more work than usual. Even though spouse doesn't live here anymore, it would be nice if he did some of the things I did so I could relax more. Kids still need to eat, and bath, but I see no signs of him doing any of it. He just spends time with them and sends them back to me. Tough job isn't it? Like I said, my job just increased big time. I shouldn't complain as he is paying for things right now, but I am so tired.I feel like my body is going to fall a part here at any given moment. Why should I do all the work?Yeah, I guess I should bring this to his attention, but I feel like he should already know. After 14 years, you would think he would eventually get it. But I suppose that's part of the problem why it ended the way it did. He doesn't get it. If a woman has to tell a man to do these things for her, it kind of takes the meaning of the gesture all together. Are there still men that think of these things on their own? Am I too much of a romantic to feel like their should have been more? I am sorry, just sleeppyyy. Forgive the rambling. I guess in time it will get easier and maybe even get use to it more. Its a big adjustment on us all. But I am trying to stay strong through it all. Man, I can't even take my walks like I use to. I miss my starry night walks with my friend. It is not the same without his voice around...........

Man, I wish I could escape to some where exotic and beautiful right now. Some place where I could let my worries leave and my mind to just be itself. Even just spending a day in bed watching movies and drinking hot chocolate seems like a wonderful retreat for me. Can you tell I am tired? LOl...But my relaxation won't happen to all the kids are in bed on their way to dream land. I guess that would be my time to turn in to, but then, when do I get to do something fun for me? Life can't be about just work and sleep. There should be more to it than that........

Anyway, another day is winding down and soon I will find some comfort from the work, the worries, and the struggles. I thought I was gonna have my kids home with me tonight, but no, spouse is taking them to the park for awhile. When will they ever be home with me? It makes me a little sad, but what am I to do? Kids want to be with him. If this makes them happy, so be it. I am trying not to take it personal, but it is hard to do. Being home with them for as long as I have, it has kind of grown accustomed to me that they are with me.>>>Anyway, enough of my problems. Let me focus on the good things that are going right in my life. I am especially grateful of all my dearest friends who always seem to put up with me and my thoughts and feelings. I know there aren't enough words to tell them how special they are to me that they are in this world. Dang it, now I am getting too sweet here......better wake up the hamster in my head and tell him to stop smooching himself in the mirror.......I am getting jealous!..LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL! It is pretty sad when a hamster gets more action.......

Have a good evening everyone.........You are loved!!!!!!!!

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