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A blue day

jlbrown3711's picture
on March 24, 2007 - 12:40pm

What a beautiful day it is outside. I wish I could be enjoying it more, but I am not. Instead I am inside feeling a bit blue today. Kids are with dad now, and as I watched them leave earlier, I couldn't help but notice the happiness in their faces. It seemed to light up the sky. It hurt me to see them leave as dad seems to be getting so much time with them these days. More so then me. I feel as if they rather want to be with him instead of me. I don't want to say no when they ask, because seeing him makes them happy.That's all I ever want for them. I know that might seem selfish to feel that, because they do need their dad. I just miss the time I had with them. After 11 years, it is hard to not have them around me. They are my babies. I miss them. I miss the good times we had. I guess I am just feeling a bit alone today. Spouse has friends that he hangs around with constantly. I know he will get through this ok.He does not have to start completely over like I do. I wish I could say the same thing. I have never been more scared of anything. I have 3 dollars to my name and all my friends live on the other side of this country. God, after all these years without a paying job, how am I gonna find something to support my family, or do anything to enjoy life.......This is so hard on me, and I just wish the pain would go away.

Anyway, sorry for the depressing blog. It has not been a good morning for me obviously. I realize I will probably hurt like this for awhile. It is gonna take time and adjustments before getting my emotions on the right path again...It may even get harder before I see any hope of light at the end of the tunnel. I just do not know how much more I can take before I totally loose it.

Well, on that happy note, I hope everyone has a great day. Don't worry about me, I will somehow get by. I always do somehow. I always believed there was a reason for everything, so I will just have to wait and see where this road takes me. Hope you all have journey that gets you to where you want to go. Take care my sweet friends. You are loved.........

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"Learn to look back

on where you've been

and what you've done,

in search of what is

truly important to you."

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