Skip directly to content

i don't know what to call it

vijaykumar's picture
on May 11, 2007 - 9:03pm

There are a ton of things I could talk about right now but I'm kind of having a hard time decided what to talk about. I guess the one thing I want to talk about right now is Josh and the kind of things he had to go through when he was younger. I know it happened a LONG time ago and who really wants to go back and remember all the horrible things that happened to you?

I don't think that Josh got treated terrible when he was in school but he had stated that he didn't have the best time when he was in Jr. High and that he had a hard time making friends and I'm kind of going through the same thing.

I don't want to make this all depressing but I guess this journal is for expressing things...I am a junior in high school and everyone says that high school is supposed to be the best four years of your life..well right now it's becoming the worst four years of my life.

Ever since my friend moved out of state, I have had no one to talk to or hang out with. I end up looking like a dork sitting alone at lunch watching everyone else have a good time with their friends, making memories and all that good stuff.

I think constantly about what Josh did to get through the hard times he had in school. I'm sure he didn't let it bother him but sometimes it can be kind of hard. Having the feeling where people are judging you every time they look at you kinda makes things harder.

Every day during class I find myself thinking what it would be like if Josh walked into the classroom and asked for me or if I walked into the class and he was subbing for that class. I'd be so excited. I just can't get over the fact that I want to meet him so bad. I know that I am always going to have these fantsasies of meeting him and hoping that one of them comes true.

When I was at his concert in L.A. I sat up on the thirst floor and I watched my dream slip away while everyone else on the first floor get to meet him and touch his hand. I would think about being down there and having him touch my hand or having him look at me and how happy I'd be knowing he knew I was alive. I guess it's something I really want.

[]