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Feeling not myself

jlbrown3711's picture
on June 19, 2007 - 4:42pm

I swear, every day it gets harder and harder to find something to write about. My days are beginning to all look the same to me and after awhile, one gets tired of writing the same ole thing.

Had a short work day today, and was happy to have most of the day off. But soon as I got home to an empty house, was kind of sad about it. Spent most of the day cleaning, but my mind wasn't really into it. Kids are with their dad, and felt a little alone today. I expect that's normal considering my situation, but god, I really hate this feeling. The hard part is all my friends live in other states, so I really have no one to visit when I feel like this. I could have used some good company today. I would seriously think about moving out of this state if it weren't for my children. I know they need to be close to their dad. Just wish I could pack them up and leave here all together.

So, I am sitting here listening to my Josh music. I am hoping it will bring me back to myself again. Normally his music does, but it doesn't seem to be working today. And ya know things are rough when even the Joshman can't make me smile....LOL... I guess I am just having one of those days where nothing will lift my spirits. I think I am still suffering from my vacation that wasn't really much of a vacation. Its very sad when you look forward to something so much with a full heart, and it doesn't happen the way you want or expect. That seems to happen to me alot. Why me? I suppose god wants me to do things the hard way. I guess their is a message in their some where. Life does not often live up to your expectations, but all one can do is keep trying I suppose.

Yeah, sounds like another depressing blog. Just have not seen much fun in my life these days. I thought going back to work would have helped that, but it just seems to make me even more too busy to keep up with my friends or my blogs as much as I would like and need to.Life can be pretty dreary if you don't have good friends to help you through those rough moments. Sadly, most of my friends these days have been hard to reach out to. I guess their lives are pretty full as it is. In a way, going back to work has isolated me even more. How does a person who stayed at home with her kids for so many years that had to go back to work find some peace again? I know my life is going on the right track, but there is so many obstacles that still lie ahead of me. It is enough to make me loose myself at times.... I know I will get through this, but for now I will just have to deal with the pain that these roads can bring.

So, what can I do this evening to make it a little easier. I suppose I could eat and eat....but that's not my thing. I would watch a good movie, but how to pick one that won't get me Even more down than I am. I know, I will watch the Barney movie...........yeah, right. Some how purple dinosaurs aren't really that appealing. I know , big shocker there.Well,at least it wouldn't get me down anymore. Actually, maybe it would. Maybe I would realize what a life I really have...LOL!!!!!! I'd go for a walk, but it is so dam hot outside.....wahhhh. I miss those too. Oh well, Will figure out something I suppose.

Anyway, sorry for the not so happy blog. Just one of those days where I can't seem to stay focus on a positive direction...... But then getting up at 3am this morning probably has a lot to do with how I feel. Maybe I should just sleep.ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!

Have a good night everyone....... Hope your lives are busy and filled with great friends who stay with you no matter where you go in life............You are loved.......!!!!!

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