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why do i do these things to myself???

lindyjean's picture
on August 28, 2007 - 12:35am

i've been out of work for about five weeks....i have been looking hard, honest i have, and been interviewing, but only one thing has been offered to me, and in almost all ways, it's a perfect job, but, but is only 20 hours a week, and i need more. the job will not expand at any point, and to be quite honest, i don't even think there is enough to fill 20 hrs a week. my dilemma is, i'm collecting unemployment insurance---i paid into it, i deserve it after working so many years nonstop. if i take this job, i will make less money each week than i do collecting the unemployment.....i'm torn between wanting to be able to pay bills, and wanting to be working. they know i will still be looking for another part-time job, or perhaps one that is more hours...they know i may up and i go and work til i find something else, or do i step aside so they can hire someone who will not up and quit on them in a month??? i'm not keen on working two jobs...i'm too old for that nonsense. i want just one job. they are very nice people, and i don't want to screw them, or myself....i let myself be pushed into a decision, and now i'm mad at myself for that...i don't like to let people down. i fear i will kick myself for letting this job go, but then i think of the pay, and parttime hours, and i know i'll kick myself for giving up the more money i get for not working....
i'm still interviewing for other jobs, with better hours and pay....should i hold out for one of those? what if one does not materialize? i wish i knew what to do....i do want to work. i feel the need to contribute to the household budget. i get too lazy when i don't work, but i have a holiday seasonal business that i can start up again to keep busy. i'm supposed to start the new job in 8 hours....i know i'll be tossing and turning all night over this...

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