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I'm so embarrassed

DJPhantomPhan's picture
on September 16, 2007 - 8:59pm

I didn't expect anyone to read my journal. I suppose that sounds ridiculous considering that all of the journals are open for anyone to read. I just really didn't expect anyone to read it. The problem isn't actually the people here. That part has really been quite wonderful since I came back. The problem is me. I can't seem to be happy. At best.....I just feel numb. Even that's preferable to the deep despair and feelings of panic. I can't blame people who have never experienced it before for not quite understanding. During my better times, I even have trouble remembering quite how bad it was. I'm almost afraid to move for fear of anything that might plunge me back in to the blackness. It's an unbearable situation. I suppose that all I can do is just keep taking one day at a time and pray for relief. I want to live. This is not living.

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