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when it rain, it pours.....

jlbrown3711's picture
on September 22, 2007 - 10:23am

It started off to be somewhat a peaceful morning as the rain has finally come and made the world outside so pleasantly wet. But events this morning has already turned my day to one that has made me not even wanting to face the world at the moment. God my life sounds like a friggin soap opera. I have been feeling so sad the last couple of days and my soon to be ex knew that. But yet his constant phone calls on I need this or I need that just will not stop. Why can't he just leave me alone? I have tried to be nice about this, but somehow I feel as if I am being taken for granted yet again. I do not want to talk to anybody and yet he just can't get through his thick head that I just need to be left alone. If that wasn't bad enough, he found out from my youngest daughter why I had been really upset. Not having my my dearest and best friend here has been a rather sad event for me and it has left me not wanting to do much. So what does he do? He uses uses my moment of sadness and uncertainty and uses it to tell me his own personal feelings and tries to tell me how wrong this relationship is for me . How low is that? If a person truly cared, they would not have chosen a time like this to express their feelings and would have done it more tactfully. What did he think he would gain from doing this? All it did was upset me yet again. Why does he want to continually hurt the mother of his children???It is really sad that he can't see what he does actually is so hurtful.

I get the fact some people do not understand the idea if Internet relationships. They can never really replace the personal need of human contact. That is so true. But as hard as it can be, there is a side to it that has been a blessing to me . It has allowed me to take my time with a person and get to know them before rushing into it. It has forced me to go slow with this. I probably would have rushed faster into it if he had lived alot closer to me which would probably have been a bad thing to do. Of course the question I always get after I say something like that is how do I know he is telling me the truth and is who he says he is. Honestly, I don't know. Know one ever really knows when they are just starting to get to know someone. I suppose he could be lying to me. But a person could just as easily lie to someone as they were in the same room too. There's a point that you have to let your heart trust and believe in someone until there are reasons not to. Reminds me of our legal system in that we are innocent until proven guilty. Trust me when I say I do keep my eyes open for red flags, as I am sure he has too....I have not seen any. Yes, there is always a chance of getting "burned" by someone, and in a way, I guess I did a little this week. But life for adults that live far away from one another can get in the way. I wish I could take trips out there, but money wise, I can't. I have to some how figure away to support myself and my children and I just can't go to places because I desire too. I am not a teenager. Does that make me a bad person or that my motives are evil? Does that make my feelings about him less important? No, it just makes me a person who is responsible with her life. Just as I know he has responsibilities too. I just don't understand how people can make assumptions on someone before ever really knowing all the facts. That is what makes me sad the most. This world often judges others without really understanding or even trying to understand what some one else thinks or feels.Its all about I am right, your wrong. Just seems so cold. I see it almost every day, and especially by people that go to church and have committed them self to GOD. Seems very hypocritical if you ask me.

Why is it that I can't enjoy my life without someone wanting to kick me around a bit for there own personal gain. Right now I just want to hide from it and pretend that I am not even here. I don't know, guess the blues have hit me hard again this morning. I suppose having all this going on in my life, and suffering a serious attack of PMS isn't helping much. As I sit here, I can here the rain hit hard against the streets and it does seem to sooth me a little. I long for some Hot chocolate, but ran out sad to say. Guess I could go get some but then I would have to get dressed and face the world. Not sure I am up for that. Its really dark in my house and I some what enjoy it. Think I will go grab a blanket and just listen to the rain for awhile.........

Take care to all. You are loved........

For anyone who needs a friend...........

When you're down and troubled
And you need some loving care
And nothing, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
You've got a friend

If the sky above you
Grows dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind begins to blow
Keep your head together
And call my name out loud
Soon you'll hear me knocking at your door

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there

Ain't it good to know that you've got a friend
When people can be so cold
They'll hurt you, and desert you
And take your soul if you let them
Oh, but don't you let them

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
You've got a friend

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