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Silent night...

vijaykumar's picture
on October 3, 2007 - 1:51pm

I just want to go to bed, and not wake up again. That's how wonderful I feel today. I have been in such a wonderful brilliant mood for about a week, and BAM, all over.

What happened, you may ask? I don't know, I think it's the meds. I'm sure that is it. It was like a switch had been hit. You know sometimes you just feel a bit down? Well this wasn't it. One minute I was happy as can be, the next I was crying. And to top it off...I get my time of the month, again! I have to go in and see him. This is too much to handle, I'm depressed, I don't eat some days, I seriously just stare out my window some days and think of all my big dreams (like singing with Josh) and actually tell myself I'm being stupid. Something isn't right. Anytime I get put on these kind of drugs I go off kilter. Completely.

I don't regret leaving Pembroke, that was a good choice. I am excited to move on and go to Peterborough, a bit nervous but that is normal.

And the worst is, I feel guilty even telling my friends how depressed I am. We've all got our problems, why should I bother people with mine? Of course they always apologize if they complain about their period...cause everyone knows my problem. I just know there are so many other things in the world that is so much worse, although I suppose I must stop thinking of the things I can't change...and pay attention for once to myself.

Been listening insanely to the little thirty second clips of 'Noel'...funny the affect that man's voice has on a person. I'm still depressed as can be, but I do feel a bit calmer. I am doing a Secret Santa exchange for that CD with some other's on jg.com...but cause I'm always up past midnight...I'm gonna download it off itunes, burn it, and listen to it while I go to sleep. Hehe.

I am worried about going to 'Chess'. Jena doesn't think she can go now...but I need travel buddies. I saw your post on jg.com Valerie...I'm all for traveling with new people. Just, you're all coming from the States, any chance you'd have a lay over or whatever in Toronto?

I guess it would all depend on if this is a charity event, if it is, I won't get through the door...but maybe I'd go to London anyway around the same time. I'm even fine with seats against the back wall, just to be in the room is all I want. But the date is set anyway, I am not going to the wedding, I don't know when my surgery is but at least I can plan around that. I just need to know how much tickets are. But, traveling with other Josh fans is fine by me.

I hate feeling like this. Maybe the good old 'Grobie chats' as we've dubbed them, will cheer me up tonight...despite I can never keep up with HALF of what's going on.

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