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Missing someone dearly

jlbrown3711's picture
on November 6, 2007 - 10:52pm

God, another long day coming to an end. Work was crazy as usual as the gremlins seemed to be out in full force tonight. Spent about an hour at work with all the registers down at the same time. Try explaining to customers why they can't check out right away. Some were pretty understanding, but others were just down right impatient. Me, I just had to smile and deal with it all. But frankly, my mind wasn't on work much today at all. It just seems every song on the store radio kept playing some beautiful love song and it took my mind across the country. Even heard You are Loved in the store and almost lost it then. I kept thinking of my dearest, and sweet friend Barry across the states and just found myself not wanting to work at all. But of course I had to, and did. But I had to fake being happy about doing it. I just wanted to be back East with my best friend!!!

Barry and I talk everyday when we can and I have gotten so use to that. There is just something amazing when we talk that I have never really had before in my life. I find myself being able to talk about things that I never could before, to anyone. It just comes out so natural when I talk with him. Ever talk to a person and know what they are thinking before they even say it? It seems that way with us. It has from the beginning. One of us will type something on the IM and then we realized the other had just said the same thing a second before. Its like we share the same brain at times.Ok, it seems like we share brains most of the time. Some times it can really catch me off guard at the similar thoughts that we share. It is a special connection that neither one of us really expected to happen, but pleasantly surprised it did. We call it our ESP moment.

Today has been a day of reflecting about all that we have learned from each other so far. I miss him dearly this evening as the miles just seem even farther than normal. Of course, I miss him every day, but tonight just seem harder than most days. I wonder sometimes if the distance will ever get closer for us. It is easy for others on the outside looking at our situation to say that if you truly care about someone than one of us should just go out to be with the other one. Sadly, life isn't that simple. Some times Life can get in the way of being able to do what your heart truly wants to do. I have children to take care of who still need there dad here, I have a job I can't afford to take time off from, and so my obligations really keep me from just packing up and heading East. Believe me, I would if I could. Barry has a son to, and I know it is just as hard for him to do the same thing... He is a wonderful dad, and I know he will always do whats best for his son. As it should be. His son has already been through so much and just want what is best for him too. I worry about him like I worry about my own children. Who knows, some day our situation may change, when I least expect it and I hope it does in some way. I suppose this is the hard part of long distance relationships. Not being able to see the other when the heart longs to. But I do still believe people can make these relationships work if they want to strongly enough. At this point, I think we both do. But god, how my heart aches sometimes.......Tonight it hurts !

I suppose I could go on and on about it, but sitting here typing this all has started the emotional roller coaster. Its very emotional for me to talk about all these feelings that I am experiencing. I am not use to opening up like this. I am just at a point in my life where I do not want to keep anything inside anymore. I have held them in so long and I know the effects all to well what it can do to a person's spirit. So forgive the mushy thoughts tonight. Just missing my sweetie back East!

Anyway, to all those with a sweetie in your lives, take good care of them and always let them know they are Loved..... God Bless ya all!!!!!

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