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Weird Moments

lfranklin's picture
on February 9, 2008 - 7:48pm

Ever have one of those bizarre, almost out of body experiences where, despite being wholly consumed by the drama in the middle of your "crisis", you're simultaneously aware of the fact that your being childish and will be ashamed of yourself in a day or so? I had one of those Thursday and Friday.

A day removed from the drama, I can look back and cringe at my behavior, but boy, at the time I was sure furious. The short version of the story is that one of my bosses mismanaded his schedule and then took up the habit of mismanaging mine. He was supposed to be in two places at once and when he realized it, casually asked me if I'd consider filling in for one of them, and NOTHING ELSE. I said when he knew more, I'd consider it. That was Thursday. Friday I'm cc'ed on an email from him to the organized of a conference clear across the country saying that I (yes, ME) definitively will be attending in his place and that the organizer should send me the invite so that I can make my travel arrangements.

To the best of my ability, I don't recall ever saying that I would go. I said I'd CONSIDER it.

Oh yeah, this is all happening in a week.

So basically, I was informed by my boss that, despite anything else I may have had planned (work wise or other wise) I was going to be going to some conference I'd never heard of clear across the country. I left work Friday thinking I was ready to up and quit.

But with a little time to clear my head, I'm ashamed that I sulked around the office like a child instead of calmly handling the situation in a more professional manner. It's not that I'm completely abhorred at the thought of going (for where I work, it's actually a HUGE jump forward to fill in for a project manager and I've only been an employee since October, May if you count my internship). But I am absolutely LIVID at being tricked and coerced into going. Now, I'm torn between being slightly excited but mostly terrified and embarassed at myself and angrey with my boss.

I know I owe my boss an appology for being ridiculously immature the last two days at work, but I'm a little afraid still that I'll come unglued on the poor man. I like the project well enough, but it's been preventing me from actually pursuing projects that I want to work on and it's putting me behind on what little other work I have.

*sigh* I will sit down with my boss on Monday and appologize and try to have a civilized discussion wherein I communicate my discontent. It would be worse for me to make an excuse for my behavior and hope the whole thing goes away. It can't because there are plane tickets waiting for me and I gave up lame excuses for Lent.

Oh well, the good news is despite all my self-induced drama, I stuck with the plan and went to two WW meetings this week (trying to find the right group, I think Thursday is a winner). I also stayed on plan despite hearing some bad health news (and that's putting it MILD) about one of the ladies at work I worship (one of those amazing, quiet mentors who makes every one around them's life wonderful). It's not much, I'd rather have my friend's health back, but there are a new pair of shoes to celebrate the fact that I stayed on the wagon.

The better news is we get Josh tomorrow! He could not have had better timing.

(and I am STILL amazed there's no character limit on these journals...)

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