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Letting the hurt go

jlbrown3711's picture
on March 1, 2008 - 12:57pm

Nothing like spending a quite morning snuggling with your little boy, watching his face just light up a room. Was a lovely moment for me as I did such that just after the two of us woke up. Was refreshing to wake up feeling OK with myself especially after last nights events with my sons father. I won't go into TOO MUCH details but needless to say my ex went back on his childish ways. I thought there for awhile that things were getting to be OK and would finally have some peace in my life, but guess I was wrong. Even my son was scared with it all and refused to go back home with him. The worst part, was me trying to control a serious tantrum by my little boy and my ex refused to help calm things. He just in his car watching as I seriously struggled to get my son into the car. 5 year old boys are strong!!! I asked why he wasn't doing anything and his response was " you have everything under control."..Like hell I did. What message does this send to a 5 year old when his own father won't calm him down? Despite the apology I received this morning, I am still bothered with his actions or lack of. I was so upset last night when my son told me that "dad doesn't want to take me" ......I hate what these arguments are doing to my children. A friend of mine told me something last night that really made a lot of sense to me and that my ex should really learn. Being a father isn't just about taking kids places, spending money on them, or just hanging out with them. A real parent lives by example, and controls his or her actions, or tries to, when they are around their children. Just loving them, and being there is all kids really need. Kids look up to their parents for everything and we all need to be such good role models for them. It is how they learn how to deal with issues in life. A parent doesn't have to be "a buddy" to them to be a good parent. Doing whats hard, and putting our own personal problems aside for the kids sake is something every parent should do. I know I am not perfect at that myself, but I try. Its one reason why I have made this huge leap to start my life over again. I want my kids to see me happy and not afraid to stand up for what I believe in. Maybe, just maybe they will see that and grow up to be strong healthy people.

I try to avoid these seemingly never ending problems as much as I can, especially when ex comes over for the kids. I have been doing a great job of it too, til last night. But frankly, sometimes he gets me so upset that I find myself breaking from my own point of view. I guess maybe it is best not to talk about anything that will set any of us off. I just have to remember to bite my tounge next time he says anything.

Amazingly, I find myself surprisingly refreshed this morning. A little James Taylor music this morning has really soothed me quite a bit. Brought me back to myself i guess you could say. It felt good not to let some one else' s emotional roller coaster bring my spirits down too much. Yeah, I was upset quite a bit last night, but it blew over for me quickly. I didn't hold on to the pain that normally I have been known to do. Ya know what, it is easy to let go of the hurt if you so choose to. I no longer give anyone permission to hurt me. It is a choice!!!!!!!

WEll, could write more, but this gal has to head off to work. I wish everyone a great day. May you all find your inner strength and stick to your own heart. Don't let anyone tell you what you feel is wrong!!!!!!! Take care, you are loved!!!!!!!!!!

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What I am thankful for today......

My dearest friends who support me emotionally

the color purple on my toes...... hey, finally did my nails..looks great

a job to go to

the love of music that fills me up so deeply

quiet neigbors

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