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Anxiously Beside Myself

1eclaire's picture
on March 23, 2008 - 1:16pm

In response to a comment, his full name is Aemon Broughear. Not sure if you meant just the first name, but there you go :) I'm too lazy to type it all out all the time. Hehe.

I have to talk first about our conversation after the dance... his mom had apparently commented that she thought I should be dating eligible bachelors my age instead of hanging out with someone seven years my junior. I calmly said that the comment upset me, as she doesn't know me/what I do, so it's unfair of her to imply that I'm not dating anyone. He replied, "No, she doesn't know that. And neither do I. And I'm not even going to ask, because it doesn't matter. I don't think I'd be allowed to date anyway. But I'd probably just do it behind her back anyway. But since I'm going to college in Florida in a few months, it wouldn't be smart to start something now anyway." He must have been referring to dating me! It had started with me being upset with his mom's comment, and ended with him not being able/wanting to date at the moment. His ability to date wasn't relevant to the topic of who I date unless he's talking about himself dating me. (hope I'm making sense! went to bed at 1 am!) This is really becoming a test of my ability to guard my heart, because the more time I spend with him, the more attracted to him I become. But even though everything seems to point to him being attracted to me, the fact remains that we are still going about things as friends. Honestly, even if we were dating, I'd still want to be sure he's "the one" before I truly give him all of my heart.

Back to the dance! Truly amazing! One person even asked if we're on a dance team! Every one was impressed by our matching turquoise. He looked quite dapper in his coat tails, cumberbun and bowtie. And if I may say so, my sister made me gorgeous :) My hair was parted to the side in the front, and the back was curled and all put up. It reminded me of a Jane Austen novel, which was perfect! A said my hair looked really nice, and asked how long it took to do it.

The dancing itself was wonderful. A takes my hand and gracefully draws me into his arms, and then we whisk across the dance floor. He looks into my eyes with a tiny smile. A glance in the mirror reveals Happy sigh. How could I not fall in love?

Oh and he said he wants to teach me dips! Super excited about that because he says "dips are inherently emotionally significant."

So much to say and this is already long so quick blurbs: He helped me put on my coat, he had some people take our picture with his phone, he called the same night to tell me his mom had apologized for her comment.

Summary/conclusion: He's interested but not doing anything about it, so meanwhile I'm trying to trust God to work it all out, while attempting to guard my heart. It's so difficult to tell myself that he's "just a friend" when I want more, and he obviously wants more, but then he doesn't want to date me enough to do it despite his going away, and to try to talk to his mom. Sigh. I'm so confused!

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