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A Matter of Trust...

Cupid's picture
on September 7, 2008 - 9:51pm

Okay, I have to be the first to admit that I have serious trust issues. Which is why it really is a big deal when I say that I love Josh. Being from a military family and being disabled at the same time it was virtually impossible to get close to anyone growing up. I had an occasional "casual" friend from time to time but even they didn't last. I either moved or they did...To make matters worse, because I was "different" I grew up being excluded from nearly everything. The kids either ridiculed or ignored me altogether. It wasn't until I was 17 that I met a group of people in school (including Julie) that I started breaking out of my shell. However, it wasn't until I was 25 in college that I finally found out what "emotional intimacy" was about. Feeling safe enough with someone that you can Really confide in and that actually cares about what you think. I know that there have been people that have thought that I was emotionally distant or cold. That's what being "closed off" will do for you...So, how does this relate to Josh? Essentially the same way. I've always known Josh had a beautiful voice and that he was cute but that wasn't enough. Never mind that I wasn't into "classical" music. That was only part of it...The truth is that I was afraid to get emotionally involved because of my continuously getting hurt. I needed to make sure that he wasn't going to become a "casualty" of the industry. So you see, when I say that I love Josh and that I care more about his health and happiness than I do my own it is a big deal. There's also the fact that a few years ago I would have been too self-conscious to even write this journal so that alone tells me (and hopefully others) what a long way I've come. Anyway, I hope (any or all) of this makes sense. Have a great night and take care! Roger

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