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There's this guy...

vijaykumar's picture
on September 10, 2008 - 9:48am

I'm so conflicted as of late and I can't post this on my facebook because the conflict is over...sigh...boys. Being more of a tomboy my entire life, I never dreamed and dreaded this happening and I still don't know what exactly is happening. I'm just...confused by people.

Maybe I should elaborate a bit. Find a comfortable spot, this is going to take some time to fully explain.

As I've said before, I'm a sophomore theatre major at my university. IWU is a small campus, but respected. I knew about it from my friend Becca who went there her freshman year as a music theatre major and then left...but that is neither here nor there.

Thanks to facebook, I was able to "friend" quite a few of the upperclassmen the spring and summer prior to entering the university. One of these friends was Marshall, whose first real message to me was a joking inquiry into why I listed a green lightsaber as my weapon of choice and left out Pippin from my favorite fictional characters. That conversation was the basis of most of our contact from then on.
Over the summer my mom and I decided to visit the campus. From my home in Minnesota it's an 8 hour drive to IWU. Quite a hike. Marshall saw my status on facebook and offered to meet us for lunch on campus, since he'd stayed in town over the summer in his new apartment and was working in the campus library. Meeting him was a little awkward, but we had an amazing chat about how life as a theatre major was on campus and how he did look forward to meeting my class.

School starts. I'm feeling more awkward than ever because I'm so shy. Theatre majors, on the whole, are LOUD and I'm pretty quiet and have difficulty being anything more than a wallflower at parties. Marshall, along with my newfound upperclass friends, are supportive of me the entire year as I discovered who I really was and how I fit into the department, university, and community. I cared for Marshall a lot, and looked after him at parties while he went through some dark times and made some destructive decisions. He came to my rescue a few times when I in turn did not make the smartest choices. He then went on to mess around with my best friend in my class, fell madly in love with her, but was denied when she told him she was not ready for a relationship. I was abroad at the time of the last occurence but I imagine he was crushed.

So time moves on to the following summer (this past summer actually). Marshall stayed in town again working as a grocer. I went back home to Minnesota and held an internship with a theatre in Minneapolis along with a job in a movie theater I'd had since high school and a third job as an overnighter at a local McDonalds. As you can probably imagine, I was working A LOT. But I loved my jobs, especially at the movie theater, Regal Cinemas. The summer prior I had met Andrew, who was in the same class as Marshall as it turns out (then a junior, now a senior) and we bonded over a dislike of Hannah Montana and a love of musical theatre and theatre in general. We both held internships while still working at Regal this summer, but our schedules were so different we only had two shifts together the entire summer. But this isn't about Andrew, as much as I wish it was. This is about Joel, also a fellow co-worker. All summer he had been trying to ask me out but then backing out at the last minute or inviting his (obnoxious, lewd) friends along. I didn't really care, I was too busy to care, and I was just like Harry Potter when he was stuck at the Dursley's for the summer. I just could not wait to get back to my Hogwarts and my friends in Bloomington-Normal. The distance made me incredibly lonely.

So it's the last four days before I would return to IWU. Joel has expressed an interest in hanging out one of those days, so I call him and we hang out. And something happens. And now I'm dating him. Long distance. After only four days.

Don't get me wrong, I care for him deeply. Maybe not as deeply as he's expressed for me, but enough that I'm willing to try long distance.

So this brings me back to IWU and Marshall. Over the summer, his roommate, Andrea (yes, a girl) also was able to procur a boyfriend. And my best friend/roommate in my class has a boyfriend on top of everything as well. Marshall is surrounded by his closest friends who are all taken. And he remains single. Even his best guy friend and another close friend have fallen for each other. Now, Marshall doesn't show it, but I'm betting he's just a little sore over how things are turning out. Especially since Drea talks about her boyfriend A LOT and how he's going to visit her and she's taking a trip up to Chicago to see him.

The weird part is how he's now treating me. I told him earlier this year that I explained our relationship to Joel as Marshall was more of a big brother figure to me than anything else. Personally, I consider Marshall my best friend, but I know he doesn't hold ME that close to his heart. Which is fine. I've only been around for a year. But lately Marshall's been more distant around me, sarcastically saying things like "get out of my life" and such. And he HATES Joel, whom he's never met but will shortly enough (Joel's coming down the first weekend of October). I don't know...he also has said that people are annoying him, that he got used to having Russell and Autumn (who are now dating) around over the summer and everyone else is just a nuisance. That one hurt. (Oh, I forgot to mention I took a trip over fourth of July weekend to IWU and stayed with Marshall in his apartment-in Drea's room)

So I don't know what's gotten into Marshall lately. And I'm worried that our friendship might be going south. He means more to me than anyone I've ever met and it's going to be extremely difficult not having him (and Drea, Russell, and all my other close friends in that close)around next year. But not having him in my life at all is just inconceivable.

Argh.

Oh yeah, I should probably mention that my friend told me in secret that there was a department rumor going around that Marshall and I are dating. I find that pretty funny. We DO hang out basically every day, I'm always at his and Drea's apartment for something. And all but two text messages currently on my phone are from him. And one night he, Russell, Autumn, and I were at Steak n Shake in a booth and somehow Marshall and I ended up in a tickle fight. She was trying to be sly, but I could see Autumn whispering something about us to Russell. I heard phrases like "cute" being passed back and forth too.

Blargh.

I hope I'm just worrying for no good reason. I do that a lot, so maybe it is. I don't know. If anybody has any sage pieces of wisdom for me at this time, I'd greatly appreciate it. This forum is probably the only place I can really "spill my guts" and get some real, unbiased feedback from people who've been there.

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