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I am still here

jlbrown3711's picture
on September 11, 2008 - 6:22pm

Hey ya all,

Its been about a week since I last wrote, but to tell ya the truth I haven't been up to writing anything at all these days. Have had such a depressing week that my spirit had left me there for a while. I guess the thing that was on my mind the most was that hadn't talked to my sweetie for a good number of days and I had been really worried. When you live 3000 miles apart from the person you love, not hearing from the other can really make a persons mind go wild. Believe me, I had every worse fear playing in my head. Well, got a message on my phone yesterday from him and part of me was relieved, but most of me went scared beyond my belief. I was scared the most because no matter what happened, there was nothing I could do to help him being so far away. It turns out he was taken to the hospital on Monday by ambulance while working due to having chest pains. And as most men do, they try to blow things off like it is nothing. Thank god for persistent co workers. I suppose the first thing that comes to mind when having chest pains is a heart attack. I probably would have thought that too. But it turns out it was due to a low heart rate. Yeah, like that makes me feel any better.* roll eyes*.... From what he tells me, he has had this problem for awhile now and that he was OK. I am sorry, but it is still something to worry about no matter what he tells me.What I think bothers me the most about all this is while he was there, no one even bothered to call me and let me know what was happening. What would have happened if something major did happen? Would I ever know? Would anyone even cared how I felt about it? I feel as if I was left out on something important and I am not sure if I should be mad at him for it or just let it go as a tiny over sight. I tell ya, men sometimes have no clue as to how a woman feels. A little information can make all the difference. No matter how mad I think I should be, I just can't be because I know this was not an easy situation for him to be in. The past few months he has had a broken toe, dealing with carpel tunnel, and now this. That doesn't even include the cancer scare he has had to deal with from years before.It is hard to be upset with a person who has had so many set backs. It is just another reason why I worry, cause I am always afraid what else is next. He is a sweet man, he doesn't deserve all the pain he has had to suffer. No one does. I really hate being so far because there is not a dam thing I can do to help him. Knowing him the way I do, he wouldn't take my help anyway. Only because he is a MAN, and is VERY STUBBORN! I just wish I knew how to be more helpful to him then I am now. I can't stand that I can't do anything. Sure, telling how I feel about him and being there for him may seem like a lot, but for him, I wanna do so much more. If he'd only let me. So please, even though you don't know him, keep good thoughts in your prayers....The power of a prayer can work wonders!

Today marks the anniversary of 9/11..... will always be a day that most of us will never forget. God bless all those effected. (((hugs)))

Hope everyone has a great weekend ahead...Mine is spent working, but what else is new. Thats all my life seems to be right now. Kinds of sucks too. Hopefully will see more fun days in the near future...... What is life if you can't enjoy yourself too?

Take Care,

You are Loved

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