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Another Today

vijaykumar's picture
on December 8, 2008 - 7:37am

I was so surprised to get comments from my last entry. I don't know why I was so open with all of my hurt feelings knowing that absolute strangers would read it but it made me feel better somehow. It made me feel like I could say everything without having accusing eyes or words come straight back at me. Maybe the thought of someone understanding what I'm going through gave me some hope....and it has.

Thank you for the comforting words you have shared with me. I thought I was alone in my broken heart but I was wrong.

Remember a couple of entries ago I told you about how my husband had been forgiving about my screw-up with the checking account? Well, that only lasted so long. I guess that talk we had on our date and the checking account fiasco put him over the edge. He hasn't talked to me in two days nor has he acknowledged my presence. He didn't get up for church(which he never misses) and didn't come to his mother's house for the weekly Sunday brunch we have at her house. Does he not get that this is why we're having trouble? I've tried to talk to him but to no avail. What's a girl to do? I've decided that I'm not going to beg as I've done in the past but neither am I going to stoop to his level and be bitter towards him.

I hurt even more for my kids. They know that something's not right,well at least my 15 year old son seems to and my 11 year daughter is so intuitive that she's sometimes scary. My little eight year old boy hasn't got a clue, though.

So, how could I make a decision when I know it'll hurt my kids? I look around the house and see what we've worked hard for and how could I be the one to destroy it all? His family have become my family over the years but I'm sure I'd become the enemy if I were to leave........and where would I leave to? He's the one who makes most of the money and I make only $24,000 a year. How could the kids and I live on that, especially the way the economy is going?

Sorry, I know I'm rambling but I am definitely at a cross roads and I have to consider how my decisions will affect those I love dearly.

But my biggest question is for myself....How could I go back on the promise I made at the altar almost 15 years ago?

Didn't I say for better or for worse?

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