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Needing To Be Thankful

vijaykumar's picture
on December 15, 2008 - 6:44pm

Today went pretty well. I ran a few errands and went to volunteer at the kids' school and I felt the best I've felt in a while. On the way back from the school though, that dark shadow of sadness crept in. I made sure to look at what I had been thinking before I felt that way and I couldn't remember if any negative thoughts had crossed my mind. It passed as quickly as it had come and I went about my day doing laundry, then picking up the kids, taking them to the library, and then coming home to make dinner. After I got Timmy down for the night I went to sit in the living room to read a Christmas novel called Gideon's Gift written by Karen Kingsbury. I still felt well and was really inspired by the story. My husband still wasn't home and I had to pick up milk for the morning before the pharmacy closed.

When I walked in, I suddenly had an overwhelming sense of loneliness and sadness. What triggered it, I still don't know but it stayed with me and only increased as I walked in the house. I had a good cry and then took my mind off it by putting in another load of laundry and directing my daughter, Yesenia, to get ready for bed. My teen, Stephen, was still on the phone with his friend conjuring up an outing during Xmas break and so I just came downstairs to write my journal.

So, it was a strange day for me but I think that I'm having better days than bad.

I'm back to work tomorrow and I'm afraid of people asking me why I was out on a leave. Not that it really matters, but I just don't know what to say. I'm usually very open with people about my life but this had never happened to me before and I'm just trying to understand it. How could I confide in anyone and expect them to understand it?

I'm Thankful for my three beautiful chidren, my husband who's striving to change and be supportive, and the every day blessing of being alive and being able to contribute somehow in my community even if it's not much right now.

There's so much to be Thankful for.

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