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judymcdermott's picture
on January 25, 2009 - 5:45am

Firstly, I'd like to say thanks to everyone for their support. You are all correct in that I'm really not alone. But what is with me and Men?? I'm very angry with their types right now. Three in particular. Scott, Robert and Mike. These three men all seem to think that its just fine to run me over with a dozer and leave me flat. Scott was a friend of mine. We had been friends for 10 years before we began seeing each other. Then (of course) he met up with some other girl and decided he had to be with her. Naturally I was hurt. But twice I forgave him. Not the third. The third time was IT. Not only had he gone back on his promise not to be like that again but he did this ON MY BIRTHDAY. Yep. My 37th birthday was shit. He is not allowed to ever contact me again.
Robert. Another flame from a long time ago, he resurfaced after being gone for 14 years. So I'm thinking time (and two daughters) has changed him. Nope. He still will tell me to my face that I'm wrong even if we are outside and I tell him the damn sky is blue. Oh no, he'd say. Its not really blue. You are just not seeing it correctly. I'm a Notary Public, but I bet if he saw my Commission and my seal he'd still say I'm not one. I call him "the corrector". Asstard. He's also gone again from my life.
Mike. Now he's a piece of work. We met in High School and for a while we were friends but over an argument I just stopped all of it. Twenty years later he came back in to my life and we chatted for a while. He's a complete Right Wing Conservative and a Bible Banger too. At my suggestion that he listen to some other forms of music (Josh) he got all upset telling me I wanted him to "give in to my liberal whims". Good God. Then to make matters worse in trying to keep in my good graces he told me he was thinking of joining my Church!! No way. Talk about a bad situation. Mike is Fundamentalist Baptist and I'm Episcopalian. We use real wine at Eucharist. I can see Mike and Father going at it over this issue alone. So what is it with me?? Honestly, I think I'm just burned out. I look at myself in the mirror and cringe. I'm not bad looking, but I've gone through Menopause and am infertile. I survived MRSA but it's left its mark on my body and so I don't wear shirts with V-Necks anymore so the scars are hidden. And intimacy?? Thats excruciatingly painful. What man would want someone like me?? He'd get no pleasure looking at me and I don't even want to consider the physical intimacy thing. All the same, I'd like a man around, you know? But I don't think the type I really need exists. If he does, he's already married with four kids.
Thanks for letting me vent again. I feel like all I do is post negative crap here. But this is a safe place, you know?
Love you all. And thanks for being there.

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