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maybe a little too soon

mygaurdianangel's picture
on March 20, 2009 - 8:21pm

Maybe its a little too soon to be posting things so personal so soon, or at all for that matter, but I seriously need to vent.

My now fiance, Jamey, and I have been together for a little over 2 years and he is the most wonderful, charming, funniest, sweetest guy I've ever met. But he has a HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE problem.

He lies.

He was absolutely horrible about it when we first started dating. And it was never about big stuff, always about the stupidest things. Just an example about the littlest things... (just so you know I never asked him this, it is merely for an example.)

Me: Jamey, did you tell your dad about work today?

Him: Yes

Me: oh what did he say?

Jamey: well he said I'll be ok.

Later, it would come out that his dad was not told about his day and then he lies to his dad about what his day was like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, at the end of any normal conversation, everyone is lied to about nothing that needs to be lied about.........

Lucky for me, it is no longer like this. Through so many conversations and a TON of support on my part, he has finally stopped lying about stupid shit.

However, now he has replaced lying with lack of communication on his part, which really I view as a form of lying as well. Am I wrong in thinking this?

If I ask him what he did yesterday and he responds, "just hung out all day" and then I find out (not through him telling me of course) that he went to a "bar" which is really a NIGHTCLUB and shot pool with his buddies and drank all night, am I wrong in thinking that that is lying???? (He is in the Army by the way and right now on his way home from training in Arizona)Why do I have to pick and pry for more specifics? I freely tell him everything that I do everyday just so there doesnt have to be any kind of prying on his end. I dont understand him. I really do love him so much for the man I see in him, but I really feel in my heart that he doesnt want to be this man that I see. I am very aware that he is not ready for marriage. I have tried to tell him this, but he doesn't even listen to me. He hears me but hes not listening. And he clearly is in his own denial about him not being ready. I dont undertand. I've told him several times that just because he's not ready doesn't mean we have to break up, that we could just take a step back and continue our relationship as normal and take a little more time. Why this doesn't comfort him is a mystery to me. I will not marry him if I feel he's not ready. I WONT I WONT I WONT.
My parents are divorced and I will damn sure do my very hardest to never let that happen to me. They only bring out the worst in people, and unfortunately I've had to witness it first hand. His parents are "happily" married, which is to say they aren't divorced. And if he thinks that is what I will put up with for the rest of my life, he's got another thing coming to him. At any rate, I'm still stuck with this problem. I dont know what else to do. I've told him from day #1 he can be honest with me. So we're on day #882 and he still refuses to be honest with me. I dont know how else to make it clear or to help him. What is unfortunate is that there is so much more to the story than just this, but to put it simply, there it is. I am officially out of ideas. Josh's voice has been the only thing to keep me from pulling every last strand of hair from my head the past 2 days. Thank God for him...

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