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In a "funk"...

RuthLM's picture
on April 14, 2009 - 8:37am

Well, I wish I could get out of the "funk" that I am in. It isn't good for me to sit down and evaluate my life I guess.

Let's see at almost 53 years old...

I live in a loveless marriage. Emotionally and physically we are divorced, but by law we are married. Would I get a divorce...no! I've read the statistics on how the standard of living goes way down for a woman and her children after a divorce. Won't do that to my son...plus I won't give my husband half of my money. I have worked all but 15months of this 20 year marriage...my husband, maybe has worked 10 years out of 20. When he was laid off for 5 years ( during the economy high) if the job wasn't good enough for him he wouldn't work. Upon reflection, he probably never should have married. He and his sister would be perfectly happy living together for the rest of their lives..with the rest of us not good enough. Every time he talks all he does is criticize somebody... only he and his sister are perfect. I work every weekend for several reasons, one being I don't have to deal with my husband at home.

My son is the light of my life, but he is growing up and just doesn't want to spend as much time with his Mom. In three years he will be going off to college. I am already starting to worry about the "empty nest syndrome" and what I am going to do.

Usually when I get into one of these "funks" I watch a movie or something were things are worse off, like Titanic or something about WWII. Even that isn't working.

Making beanies for the Covered with Love Group of FOJG has been helping a little, but even that hasn't been helping as much as it did in the past.

Tried listening to Josh's music, but I am still really upset about him rolling his eyes, looking away and throwing up his hands to my light hearted statement during the live chat..all I did was offer to be a nurse during the next live tour if he needed one. Trust me I don't need a job, already have one ( and I really am a nurse). I know I shouldn't let it bother me still, but this was my first interaction with him of any kind and well, I'll be honest...it hurt...I sat here on my computer and felt really stupid. And I am old enough to be his mother. Still love his music..always have, always will.

This weekend at work I was the charge nurse for the adult ICU. I haven't been in charge since last August and the only reason I was in charge was because there was no one else there to do it. Thankfully there were not any cardiac arrests, emergencies of any other kind, or admissions to the ICU.
Wonder how long it will be before I am put in that position again ( being in charge with no back up).

Also, can't talk to my family back in New England...they pretty much have outcast me from the family since my Mom died. When she was sick I was unable to drop everything ( I was the only one supporting my family) and go back there for an extended period of time ( my son and I did go for 2 weeks however)
, so since then I am the black sheep of the family.
My niece is getting married in Sept and my son and I are going back for the wedding. Should be interesting..not really looking forward to it, but I get along great with my niece...she and I do e-mail quite a bit actually.

Well, I have bothered you all long enough with my troubles...

Hope everyone has a geat day..as for me, I get to do the laundry some more.

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