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MaryAwake's picture
on February 17, 2010 - 5:08pm

Hi Guys!!

This is a hard journal entry for me to write, but just wanted to let everyone know why i have been absent from FOJG and Twtter and everywere else for few days. Some friends already know this, my baby brother ( who i raised since our mother died when he was 10) killed himself last Thursday. He split from his wife of 15 years few months ago and he really couldnt cope/live without her...he hanged himself and his 18 yr old son found him in the afternoon. He as since refused ever to go into house again, and who can blame him...I a finding it very hard to deal with, havent cried, am eating well not sleeping great, except when I have Josh playing on iTunes by my bedside all night...only way I can sleep....instead I feel completely calm on the inside, still carrying on as if nothing has happened...things were strained between my family and my SIL, and tbh they havent gotten any better, but for the sake of the kids, we have been trying to be civil to her...but have feeling she is gonna try and stop us seeing kids...we will not let that happen!!!
He was a member of the Army Reserves and they gave him a really good send off....he had guard of honour, they did the presentation of his beret and medals to his daughter (12) and the flag from his coffin to his son (18)!! The *Last post* was also played at his graveside...really beautiful thing to see....Dont know what else to say on the matter...except this....please pray for him and his kids and for us his sister and his brothers and esp my older daughter who looked on him as her *big brother* cos they were brought up together ...Hannah is also heartbroken to loose her uncle....
Please keep us all in ur thoughts and remember Josh singing sweetly and quietly in ur ear as he gently lulls u off to sleep, is one of the most beautiful sounds in the wrold...

Keep on loving Josh

XX Mary

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