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Not asking what could happen next!

MJKC9397's picture
on May 4, 2010 - 7:13am

In spite of more family drama in my life, I am keeping my chin up. But I will vent for just a second...although I get tired (as I realize everyone reading probably does, too) of using my FOJG journal as my outlet (when I'd actually like to post it all over Facebook and yell to the world! LOL). A dear family member yesterday--I THINK INADVERTANTLY and as a result of her pure exhaustion--got into an argument with me. While I think it was just circumstance, time, and place in each of our lives that created the tension, there were things said that really cut me deeply and hurt to the point that I'm not sure how to get over it. Some of it was not WHAT was said, but HOW. I want to move on from it, but I fear that her opinion of me isn't what I wish it were...and I thought she knew me better than what her words implied. All I can say is that I try so very hard to provide a loving, peaceful, fun, safe home for my family. I do the best that I can; the best that I know how. And as I learn better, I try to do better. Only God Himself is more important to me than my family. So when that part of me that works so hard to make life all I can make it for my family is insulted, it seems like a devastating blow. I wish I were the person who "just gets over it". How do I become that person? I cry when I get angry. Anyone who knows me knows that. So how do I break that habit? I hate coming across as a "crybaby" when I'm in an arguement. I can't be the person who hangs up on someone--and as a result have only been hung up on myself only a couple of times in my life. I could take being slapped across the face easier, I believe. Then to be spoken to like a child after--knowing that would probably not be the case if I could quit crying--adds insult to injury. The "mental lockdown" and "emotional overload" I end up suffering after all's said and done infuriates me further at myself, because I see that as adversely affecting my husband and children.

Anyway, other than that, everything seems to be getting better. Craig may have to have carpal tunnel surgery in the near future. But now that we've kind of come to terms with it and rolled up our sleeves to do what it takes to make it through the loss of income during that surgery & recovery, we're okay with that. We're hopeful, though, that it won't come to that.

Softball season for my girls is underweigh. We have 4 games between the 3 of them tonight. It's exhausting, but I am thankful for their health that they're able to play and also for mine that I'm able to watch. :-) Carson has quite an arm on him, also, and loves to throw the ball while we watch his sisters play! He's already 15 months old! We can already tell he's an athletic kid--he learned to walk holding a full-sized basketball--and it's amazing watching that trait even as he's so young. We're pretty sure he's also going to either be a preacher or a politician since he's such a people-person. It's really funny watching complete strangers' faces when he reaches out and shakes their hand when we're walking through a store or wherever. And just the other day, it appeared he was talking to a room-full of imaginary people, making eye-contact with each one! hahaha

Enough from me. I'm going to get to work in the house, run interference to a seemingly destructive 1-year-old (destructive to any kind of order, anyway! LOL), and enjoy this beautiful, sun-shiny, day! Hope everyone has a wonderful day!


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